Land Rovers Football Club

We're On The Move

2007-02-24T22:51:00.000+13:00

Rovers are on the move to the new Zephyr Rovers site - please come on over and see the story continue.

http://www.zephyrfc.blogspot.com/

Rovers Take Over Complete

2007-02-23T22:45:00.000+13:00

Local Tycoon George Nash (pictured) moved in today to take over a restructured Rovers and appoint himself as commercial manager. "We've seen the potential in Land Rovers as a brand and we've moved in to take it over" said Nash "and we're rebranding the club to Zephyr Rovers and moving away from the emerald to a beautiful silver and black". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said things changed and with founding members Riddle and Smith now gone, it was time for a fresh look to take the club forward to achieve its goals of being the best indoor club in Wellington by June 2030. "We're looking forward to working with George and it will mean the transfer to a new blog site" said Hall.

Smith Leaves New Zealand

2007-02-22T22:38:00.000+13:00

Charles Smith said farewell to Land Rovers, Wellington and New Zealand today when he went through with is long promised move to Perth in Western Australia. "Charlie has been one of the great characters of the game" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "he's certainly got the personality to go far and Perth certainly fits the bill for going far away". Hall said it would be very quiet now founding Rovers Charlie Smith and Chris Riddle had both left town. "You've got to wonder how a Pompey supporter and a scummer ever got together to form an indoor football club" said Hall "but these boys had that something special that you can't train into new recruits, in fact most coaches try to train it out of you". Hall said Smith and Riddle were part of the history of the Rovers club and people would still be talking about the both of them for a least a few days yet.

Back To Back CHAMPIONS

2007-02-21T19:42:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers today demolished Ten Left Feet at the Shed of Dreams to successfully defend the Division 7 Championship. "We got on top early and never really looked threatened" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "I thought all the team played well and everyone had a part to play in turning around the 10 - 1 loss to the same team three weeks ago". Hall said Rovers was a different team than the one that took a hiding in Shed 6, and the loss had provided plenty of motivation for Rovers to get one back over the Ten Left Feet side. "We were solid at the back and that provided the platform to go forward" said Hall "Col was quite outstanding today, new boy Scott showed some nice touches, and Eddie, Ben and John were very solid". Hall said though the key was team work and there had been some excellent passing and movement off the ball. "I think they were turned one way and the other and some of the interplay was really good" said Hall "and not to mention I was pretty useful in goal as well". Rovers look set to continue but might be looking for the challenge of a higher league. "No one has forgotten the vision" said Hall "although George clearly had blurry vision when he took that photo (above)".

Final Score: Rovers 14 Ten Left Feet 5

It's All On

2007-02-20T19:24:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was do or die tomorrow against Ten Left Feet at the Shed of Dreams. "Look like we've lost Andy Auer now as well so we're really up against it" said Hall "this puts Ten Left Feet in as hot favourites and we'll be struggling to hold on". Hall said he was working on a plan though to tilt the scales slightly in favour of Land Rovers to give the team a fighting chance. "These guys thrashed us 10 - 1 only three weeks ago so it will take a miracle to turn the tables tomorrow" said Hall "but I've been praying most of the day and so I'm sure that will be worth a goal or two". Hall said Rovers had the big match experience form playing Infinity last season, and Infinity was probably a better team than Ten Left Feet. "There's no doubt these left footers are a good side and we'll have to hold them early to have any chance" said Hall "but you go into these games to win and we're looking to do that". A large crowd was expected for the match although ticket sales had been described as slow.

Lessons Learnt

2007-02-19T17:29:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) said he'd learnt a bit from watching weekend sport. Hall said he'd learnt from the Australian Cricket team that a top performing team could go down the gurgler, and yet he'd learnt from the Melbourne Victory that a top performing team could also hand out a thrashing. "I think there is something to be learnt from these performances and that is it is better to be a winner than a loser" said Hall "although after watching the awful Team Wellington win yesterday, one could be forgiven for thinking that you can sometimes win and still be dreadful". Hall said he was looking to model the Rovers final performance on the crushing Melbourne Victory performance. "I think if we go out and knock six goals in their net early on, we'll be in with a good chance". Hall confirmed media speculation that Rovers were looking for a new sponsor. "We've had some promising discussions with Zephyr Consulting and we hope to announce a deal shortly".

Mystery Matt Breaks Toe

2007-02-18T23:26:00.000+13:00

Three days out from the final against Ten Left Feet, star striker Mystery Matt has broken his toe in an outdoor five a side game. "The lad is quite keen on the game but he was out training against orders" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and now he'll be out until after the final". Hall said Rovers were underdogs for the final anyway so this would certainly make Ten Left Feet favourite with the bookmakers. "I'm looking at our options after this news" said Hall "but I haven't yet contemplated bringing Charlie Smith back as our strike force as he lacks the agility of Mystery Matt". Hall said he had a few tricks up his sleeve yet and was in talks with several quality players about stepping up for the Rovers. "We've been talking to Zephyr about a potential sponsorship for next season and strengthening the squad has been one of the items that we've considered" said Hall "it might just have to happen sooner rather than later".

Could Have Been The Whiskey

2007-02-17T13:04:00.000+13:00

The send off for Charles Smith proved to be a quiet affair with only thirty or forty handles being consumed by Smith. "I don't think he really got into his stride" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "I didn't see him dancing at any point and at no time did he stand on the table or remove items of clothing". Smith may well have been saving himself for his arrival in Perth, where he already had legendary status due to his contributions to the Pompey supporters blog. "It was good to know they had enough Pompey supporters in Perth to have a club" said Smith "but I had a good night last night and didn't run into a single scummer all evening". Smith said Wellington would miss is charisma and the Wellington social scene would never be quite the same again. Hall confirmed Smith had a certain special quality to his personality that he wouldn't put his finger on. "You can't imagine Charlie ever having a quiet night out" said Hall "and by his own admission he is a magnet, but what for we're still trying to identify".

In other news, Smith was already having an impact on his new country after Australia got hammered by ten wickets in the cricket. "Wherever Charlie goes, national lack of success seems to follow" said Hall "so I can't see Oz winning anything for years now".

Smith Says Drinks Are On Him

2007-02-16T06:21:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith generously agreed to pay for all drinks for his farewell this evening as that's the sort of guy he is. Smith is off to live in the Western Desert of Australia and will have little to spend his money on there once he has invested in a camel. "I thought what the hell" said Smith "you only live once and the boys will be thristy". Smith said that with the cricket on Friday and the rugby on Saturday, it should be a huge night out on the town and he fully expected to get into mischief. "What can I say " said Smith "trouble is my middle name". Events kick off at the Brewery Bar around 4 and are anticipated to be going on well into the night. "I imagine I'll be dancing the night away in Molly's by about 5.15 pm" said Smith "and when other people turn up to dance with me about ten it could really go off".

Wellington Wanderers

2007-02-15T20:27:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today that with a possible Wellington based team in the Hyundai A-league, Rovers would be looking to leverage off opportunites for commercial enhancement of the Land Rovers brand. "We're in talks with a number of people including George "give me the money" Nash and this may result in a new sponsorship deal and a rebranding of our main product lines to reflect new delivery channels."We'd be prepared to look at changing the name of the club to Rangers and move into blue shirts if some serious cash was put forward" said Hall. Hall said a name change to Wellington Wanderers was always possible for the Knights although Wellington Wind would probably get the wind up opponents. "We think that Team Wellington, the A League franchise and Land Rovers should join forces for the good of the game" said Hall "which only leaves the other two clubs to see the benefits and we're there".

Rovers Future To Be Reviewed

2007-02-14T06:01:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers have announced a review this morning in light of the fact that the club needs to access what management structure will best fulfil the vision of being the best club in Wellington by 2030. "We have always said we'd like to avoid a restructure" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) "but with our Chairman Deano moving to Oz and me having moved on to a new day job, now is a good time to review whether Rovers should continue and if so under what structure". Hall said he'd asked the marketing arm to come up with a slogan for the review and after many hours down at a local bar, they'd come up with 'great to brilliant' as the branding name. "I'm not much for these labels myself and we had to rein ourselves in from calling it Valentine's Day Massacre" said Hall "but you can be sure we'll be consulting people on this review before we implement the decision we made last week". Hall said boxes of continental chocolates might influence decision making but sending flowers would be a complete waste of time.

Smith Reacts To Goalkeeper Quips

2007-02-13T17:56:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith today reacted to comments yesterday from Rovers Manager Steve Hall that he would not be featuring in the finals line up as goalkeeper. "It's not my fault that Ten Left Feet scored ten goals against us two weeks ago" said Smith "there was no one tackling in front of me, the ref was against me and they got at least nine flukey goals". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he needed to make a tough call in the semi-final and dropped Smith as keeper. "I thought Charlie (pictured) wasn't at his best in that game after his trip to England" said Hall "I thought he was lacking a bit of fitness and flexibility". Hall said yelling and screaming at the other players was an important part of playing in goal and he expected to have the defenders cover the opposition in the final. "We're going to have to tackle hard in the final" said Hall "but if we can play like we did in the first match against them then we'll be in with a chance".

Finals Line Under Wraps

2007-02-12T23:07:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was keeping his finals line close to his chest this evening as he contemplated the selection puzzle that Ten Left Feet would provide for the Grand Final. The game will be played in the Shed of Dreams at 1 pm on Wednesday 21 February 2007 with what is expected to be a capacity crowd. "I'd like to take this opportunity to thanks the major sponsor Tony's IT Service, as well as our other sponsor the social club as they are a vital part of the success of this club". Hall said he would ponder his selections and wasn't ruling anyone out at this point although a strong line up would be needed. "I don't want to give too much away but I think you can probably guess that Charlie won't be in goal". Hall said he would be having a few sleepless nights over selections as he knew all the squad were keen to get on the park, but winning the trophy was his main aim. "I think all the boys would like to see another trophy in the cabinet" said Hall "and all players will have contributed to that over the season if we pull it off".

Smith Ecstatic

2007-02-12T07:34:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers utility Charlie Smith was this morning ecstatic that the Poms had beaten the Aussies to win the tri-nations cricket. "I was worried about moving to Perth when all England were known for was losing" said Smith "but the boys have pulled one out of the fire and now I can go over to Perth and wind people up for the rest of the year". Smith said the icing on the cake would be England winning both the cricket and rugby world cups. "I've long since given up on England winning the real World Cup" said Smith "but victory in the cricket and rugby will be a reasonable substitute". Smith said he planned to celebrate the cricket today loudly with family and friends.

Adelaide Inspire

2007-02-11T23:05:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said this evening he hoped the Rovers players were inspired by the performance of Adelaide United in this evenings preliminary final of the Hyundai A-League. "That was a gutsy performance and Adelaide looked like they were out on their feet in extra time" said Hall "but they took out the penalty shoot out and the post match celebration was right up there with world class kissing and hugging". Hall said the last minute loss to Melbourne last week must have gutted Adelaide but the had the fortitude to come back and get into the Grand Final. "I see parallels with our loss to Ten Left Feet" said Hall "and we have to have the guts to come back and take them out in the final" Hall said he'd be watching the game next week to see what lessons could be drawn in playing under grand final pressure. "I'd have to say the Aussie Cricket team lost their bottle" said Hall "so not all Aussie teams have the ability to go on and be winners".

White Out

2007-02-10T22:52:00.000+13:00

With the final Grand Final line up yet to be named, the availability of star defender come goal scorer Ben White is in doubt. "Apparently Ben is going up north for a while" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "he's decided that Whangarei might be a good spot to spend a few days". Hall said obviously White would be missed but negotiations were still underway to ensure that White starts in the final line up. "The lad is keen to play as you might guess" said Hall "we're huge underdogs for this one and we need all hands on deck if we're going to have any chance at all". Hall said he'd been reflecting on what went wrong in the last match and thought the fact that he wasn't playing had contributed to the defeat. "They don't call me The Cat for nothing" said Hall "I pay a small retainer for the privilege"

Smith Farewell All On

2007-02-09T20:09:00.000+13:00

Negotiations between Mrs Smith and shady agent George "I don't get out of bed for less than $500 an hour" Nash were successful today in restoring the farewell function of Charlie Smith. "I got Charlie thinking about beer" said Nash today from his hideaway mansion "and about thirty seconds later he was telling everyone to meet him at the Brewery Bar at 4 pm on the 16th for a few quiet ales". Nash said he'd have Smith tucked up in bed by no later than noon the following day and said Mrs Smith should not worry about the evening. "The worst Charlie ever gets up to is dancing on tables with blokes" said Nash "so he's not likely to get into too much trouble". Nash welcomed all supporters to come along and join in at the event. "The more the merrier" said Nash "and I've dropped my hosting rate to $400 an hour especially for the evening".

Smith Farewell Cancelled

2007-02-08T20:52:00.000+13:00

The farewell for Charlie Smith was called off today after Smith revealed he had a double booking with "The Mrs". Farewell organiser and Land Rovers wannabe George "Sign The Contract Here" Nash said he was astounded that Smith had built up the event for six months only to want to spend the night with his wife. "What sort of an excuse is that" said Nash "he has the rest of his life to spend with his Mrs and all we were asking was to have a few quiets over ten or eleven hours". Smith said it was a tough call to make going out with the lads or spending a night in with the old lady. "I didn't take this decision lightly" said Smith "I weighed up having a few pints and put that against watching the tele at home, and the tele won".

Rovers Charge Into Final

2007-02-07T19:54:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers charged through their semi-final this afternoon against Brookers at the Shed of Dreams after a stuttering start. Rovers got off to the worst possible start when underdog Brookers had the temerity to open the scoring. "I was playing in goal and they scored by shooting off the side wall and into the far side of the net" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "I know you'd be wondering why I didn't pick it up but it was actually very well done". Rovers started to get back into it but it was a good tussle early on and was 2 - 2 about half way through the half. "It looked like they were really up for a fight" said Hall "but from them on they collapsed and resorted to long range pot shots which frankly didn't challenge me a lot in goal". The second half was one way traffic as Ben White started making his forward runs and slotting the ball into the opposition net. "We can't get carried away with that as Ten Left Feet are several degrees better and trounced Post It in the other semi" said Hall "we'll need to lift it several times to be in with a chance in the final and we're definitely underdogs".

Final Score: Rovers 13 Brookers 2

Mystery Matt Set To Dismantle Brookers

2007-02-06T22:25:00.000+13:00

The return of Mystery Matt to the Rovers semi-final line up should provide some much needed punch. "I'm working first and foremost on defending and I'll be back to marshal the defence from goalkeeper" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "we can't defend in a nightmare fashion again and I think I yell better when I'm in goal". Mystery Matt would be utilised to provide extra goal scoring capability. "I'm not going to try and curb Ben White going forward" said Hall "but he'll certainly know I expect him top come back and cover after I yell and scream a bit". Brookers have only managed three wins all season and two of those were against Provoke Evolution. "On paper they shouldn't trouble us" said Hall "but unfortunately the game isn't player on paper".

Business As Usual

2007-02-05T18:13:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) said it had been business as usual for Rovers training and he had done nothing special ahead of Rovers semi-final clash on Wednesday. "Obviously it is a public holiday tomorrow and I'd expect the boys to take themselves for a light jog of five kilometres or so" said Hall "but we want them fired up and ready for the match on Wednesday". Hall said he'd give a bit of a pep talk before the match and expected the defence to tighten up over the last match. "We can't afford another display like that" said Hall "and I've taken the precaution of putting myself in goal as frankly I'm a better keeper than young Charlie". Hall said Smith was looking a little unstable given Pompey lost again in the weekend but it was hoped he'd be along to the game for some verbal encouragement.

Pollock Calls For Full Support

2007-02-04T18:07:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Supporters Club President Liz Pollock (possibly pictured) today called for the Rovers to get the same sort of support that turned up at the sevens on Saturday. "If we got a few thousand people along to Shed 1 all dressed up in costumes then it would certainly get the attention of the boys in the team" said Pollock "we need the supporters to get down to the wharf and make some noise". Pollock said she herself couldn't make the semi-final as she was at an undisclosed overseas location, but she hoped the Rovers fan club would be out in full. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he was focussing on getting the players mentally and physically prepared for the big match. "We've got to lift our performance over that last match" said Hall "and we sure want another crack at Ten Left Feet".

Rovers Behave

2007-02-03T11:50:00.000+13:00

No reported arrests of Rovers squad members have yet been advised by the Wellington Police following the two day party known as the Wellington Sevens. "There were some strange sights to be seen on the streets" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but somehow the lads managed to not get arrested although we can't be sure that Charlie will make it home for a few days yet". The New Zealand team lost to Fiji in the semi-final but were themselves beaten by Samoa. "I liked the grit and determination of that Samoan Team" said Hall "I think Rovers can learn something from that" said Hall "as well as maintaining our usual flair on the ball". Hall said the sevens showed even favoured teams could miss out on a semi-final and Rovers didn't want to follow suit.

Hall Concerned

2007-02-02T10:27:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he was concerned for his players this weekend as the sevens tournament hit town. "The sevens has a bit of a reputation and I fear some of the players might not sober up in time for our semi-final on Wednesday" said Hall "there are only three days to get the blood alcohol levels down". Hall said there was a risk it would all go down the drain and become a "Good to Grate" situation. "I know of an organisation that lost a few people recently and is now struggling a bit to pick things back up" said Hall "we don't want the Rovers to drop our performance because of over-doing it in the weekend". Hall said at this stage he Charlie Smith wouldn't be playing in the crucial semi-final match. "I figure he won't have got home from the pub by Wednesday" said Hall "but he might get as far as the Shed of Dreams to watch".

Forgettable Experience

2007-02-01T06:08:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith said today that anyone who claims that they remember his farewell function won't have been there. Smith (pictured) only recently back from a frolic round European clubs and bars, said his farewell organiser George "Wannabe" Nash has promised him a good Scottish style farewell which is expected to involve excessive drinking and dancing. "I'm trying to get Chris 'Scummer' Riddle down for the night and of course by then the Rovers will have a championship to celebrate" said Smith. George Nash was unavailable for comment but is thought to have drawn up an itinerary that will ensure Charlie sees as many bars as possible in his send off evening. "I imagine I'll be prominent again on the dance floor at Molly's" said Smith "I've been a big hit there before after I've had a few". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Smith would be looked after to make sure he didn't do any table top dancing again. "The lad can get a bit carried away and we need to keep him away from impressionable young women" said Hall.

Hussey Doubtful

2007-01-31T22:46:00.000+13:00

A cloud hung over Eddie Hussey this afternoon which was quite unusual as it was a rare sunny day in Wellington. Hussey may not be available for the vital semi-final clash against Brookers, which was a concern to Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall. "Eddie covers a lot of ground in a match and is a very good defender" said Hall "our best defensive line up seems to be Ben paired with Eddie, and either myself or Andy in goal". The indoor game is built on defence and we'll need to get that sorted for the next two games as we can't afford to give ten goals away again and expect to win". Hall said the availabilty of Mystery Matt would provide some much needed additional firepower up front and he was predicting a Rovers semi-final win by at least ten goals. "Brookers are a powder puff team but you never know what might happen in a sudden death scenario so we'll have to be up for it".

Pollock Says Toughen Up

2007-01-30T20:34:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Supporters President Liz Pollock said today that Rovers needed to stop playing like big girls if they were to take out the coveted Division 7 title. "I hope that 10 - 1 thrashing was a wake up call to the team" said Pollock "and I might have to get Jason in to teach them the finer points of Ice Hockey tactics, as frankly they've lost their spine since Chris Riddle moved on". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Rovers could reverse the 10 - 1 thrashing in the final, but the team needed to take one game at a time and beat Brookers in the semi-final first. "We'd like another crack at Ten Left Feet and I'm sure we won't be lacking motivation for the final". said Hall.

Munted

2007-01-29T23:12:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers slumped to their heaviest league defeat today when taken to the cleaners by an energetic Ten Left Feet. "I blame myself" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "as I stood myself down from selection for the day and the boys turned in a below par effort". Hall said the defensive side of the Rovers game fell apart and at time the opposition were walking through and taking pot shots. "The discipline wasn't there and I think we had too many easy games and failed to lift our game for the big match" said Hall "and Charlie (pictured) was a bit soft in goal". Fortunately the game was meaningless as far as qualification went and Land Rovers actually got the easier semi-final draw as a result. "We've drawn Brookers at 12.30 on 7 February at the Shed of Dreams" said Hall "and I'm expecting we'll be getting another crack at Ten Left Feet in two weeks".

Final Score: Rovers 1 Ten Left Feet 10

Smith's Dream Sunk By Rooney

2007-01-28T20:06:00.000+13:00

As earlier predicted by Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall, Pompey are now out of the FA Cup after Manyoo gave them a lesson in football. "Charlie has been busy lately getting e mail from Chris Riddle's brother explaining why Pompey aren't up to much" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "so he'll be disappointed that Manyoo have proved the point. Smith said he made a few observations about Southampton FC and has since been receiving a constant stream of e mail pointing out why Pompey aren't up to much. "There is a bit of a rivalry between the clubs" said Hall "but the way it's going Charlie had better not go near Southampton again".

Switch To Ice Hockey Unlikely

2007-01-27T21:29:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said this evening that rumours circulating that Land Rovers were about to enter an Ice Hockey competition were nonsense. "I know Liz Pollock our supporters club president would quite enjoy watching a few rumbles on the rink" said Hall "but frankly the task of getting the ice in and out of the Shed of Dreams each week would be a nightmare". Hall said there were then the practical difficulties that no one owned skates. "I can see this would be a sport that Charlie could well make a name for himself in" said Hall "he certainly has the build for it". Hall said this sort of rumour usually went around as the regular season came to an end and the press had nothing to do but have too many drinks down at Dockside.

Hall To Stand Down

2007-01-26T21:19:00.000+13:00

Rumours circulated today that Land Rovers Manager would stand down from the top of the table clash with Ten Left Feet on Monday. Hall who starts a new day job that day may not be able to play in the fixture. Ten Left Feet are just three points behind Land Rovers and therefore who qualifies top of the division may will depend on the outcome of this match.

Rovers are rumoured to be talking to a prominent player about signing for Rovers. "Yes we are in discussions with a big name player" said Hall "but he is likely not going to be available until next season so isn't likely to be on board in time for the finals series". Hall said it would be nice to beat Ten Left Feet but the final series now had to be the focus.

White Ponders Tactics

2007-01-25T19:05:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Defender come goalscorer Ben White turned his thoughts to football tactics today when he circulated a tactical guide to indoor football tactics to fellow squad members. "I think he's getting bored scoring goals and wants to move into a tactical leadership role" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but we need the lad focusing on his knitting over the next two weeks if we're going to defend the championship". Rovers head into a tough match against second placed Ten Left Feet on Monday, who are likely to be the opposition in the final if both teams get through. "It's the business end of the season and I'd like to see Ben focusing on his game" said Hall "he'll get a square head thinking about tactics". Hall said Monday's game would settle the minor premiership and Rovers needed only a draw to head into the finals as top seed.

Provoking Evolution?

2007-01-24T12:21:00.000+13:00

Ben White today had another blinder against Provoke Evolution at the Shed of Dreams this morning. With a humid 22 degrees outside, the temperatures inside the cauldron must have soared to at least 24. Rovers welcomed back Charlie Smith into the Rovers line up from the frozen wastelands of Portsmouth. Provoke Evolution cunningly turned up late and for a while it looked like a default, but once the game got underway it was clear they had decided that getting physical was the way to blunt the Rovers game. "They reminded me a lot of how we used to play when Chris Riddle was around" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "they finally wracked up five fouls and we got a penalty, and it was nice to see it happening to another team and not us". Hall was cautioned for retaliation himself showing that Rovers hadn't completely lost the reputation for putting it about. "I thought we were pretty average today but that was a result of the way the opposition tried to provoke us" said Hall "but Ben certainly was on his attacking game although I think we missed Eddie at the back". Hall said it Rovers would need to go up a cog or two to beat Ten Left Feet but he couldn't complain about thirteen goals being scored.

Final Score: Rovers 13 Provoke Evolution 2

Smith Retires

2007-01-23T18:49:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith retired from all football yesterday for five minutes before being drafted back into the Rovers squad for the match tomorrow against Provoke Evolution. "I thought I'd flag it away as I'm moving to Perth anyway" said Smith "but with injuries and unavailability I was immediately called out of retirement for the match tomorrow". Smith will return as goalkeeper initially, a position that tends to get his blood pressure up. "The lad usually has a bit to say for himself when he plays in goal" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but with several players unavailable for this match we needed his services so he's straight back in after his English sojourn". Mystery Matt will also make his season debut after starring in the final series last season. "We need a bit of punch up front" said Hall "I've been strangely off my normal goal scoring form since I became grossly unfit around October".

Smith Dreams Of Trophy

2007-01-22T16:37:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith returned to New Zealand dreaming of winning one more trophy before he headed off to live in Perth. "I've seen some of the biggest trophies in the game on my travels" said Smith "and I want to win the championship one more time before my Rovers time is up". Smith said he was back to challenge for a place in the Rovers line up and disregarded suggestions from the manager that he wouldn't make the squad again. "He's playing head games with me to get me motivated" said Smith "but frankly after seeing all that silverware I'm raring to go". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was unavailable for comment on whether Smith was in the line up for Wednesday.

Hall Empathises With Mourinho

2007-01-21T17:39:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today he could understand the frustration of Jose Mourinho having no money to spend during the January transfer window. Chelsea lost 2 - 0 to Liverpool and Mourinho indicated that he needed at least two more players as replacements for his injured squad. "I've been trying to get money out of the Rovers Management team to buy some quality players" said Hall "but I'll have to push on with the ones we have as Dean has said he hasn't got any money for players this year". Hall said the fact that Mourinho and Chelsea were not able to spend up at large in January was a worry for Chelsea fans, but Hall admitted those like himself with Man U leanings weren't quite as concerned. "Maybe Jose will actually have to start managing now" said Hall "he can't actually buy anyone he likes anymore". Hall said he hoped he could flog off Charlie Smith for a few quid to a Perth club to free up funds.

Pompey Bogged Down

2007-01-20T22:55:00.000+13:00

With Charlie Smith out of the country and on his way back to sunny Wellington, Portsmouth FC have got "bogged down" in a toilet seat theft by one of their players Glen Johnson. The toilet seat was being nicked from B&Q in Dartford in Kent when incredulous staff stepped in. "We all recognised Johnson but no one could quite believe a bloke like him, with all that money, would be moronic enough to nick a toilet seat" said the worker who did not wish to be identified. "This is pretty much on par for Pompey" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "they try to pretend they are a class outfit but they are time and time again dragged back to the sewer". Charlie Smith was unavailable for comment but was understood to have thought the story was a load of crap but Johnson said the incident occurred because he wasn't flush with money.

Smith Selection Puzzler

2007-01-19T17:26:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this evening that he was undecided on whether Charlie Smith would play for Rovers again. Smith about to return from the UK has been absent during a period of considerable on field success for Rovers with six straight wins. "I'm not saying the lad is disruptive" said Hall "but we look a far more disciplined unit when he isn't in the country". Smith who returns to New Zealand for only a short time before making a permanent move to Perth was hopeful he'd get some game time before he left. "I'm sure the gaffer will give me a run" said Smith "after all I'm a team founder". Hall said there was little doubt that Smith was useful for marketing purposes and retaining him might sell shirts. "I heard rumours LA Galaxy are interested in talking to Charlie" said Hall "which no doubt explains his three days in California on the way home".

Hall Gives Up Full Time Football Management

2007-01-18T00:15:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confessed this afternoon that after winning six games on the trot, he'd decided to take a day job to keep himself off the streets. "I know we've had a 100% record since I became a full time football manager" reported Hall "but there is only so much one can take of sitting on the beach dreaming up football tactics". Hall said he thought he'd bring a fresher approach if he took up day time employment again, and he did quite enjoy working in IT. "Football management is a great occupation but unfortunately we haven't yet got a rich Russian backer to keep me in the manner to which I want to become accustomed". Hall said he'd start a day time job again on the 29th and it was too early to say if this would impact his availability for Rovers.

Up Creek With A Paddle

2007-01-17T20:59:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said this morning that the trick to football management was never finding yourself up the creek without a paddle. Hall said he had no idea what he meant by that other than it sounded like the sort of management twaddle that he was expected to pour out as a manager to ensure the team believed he had a greater vision for the team than they were aware of. "Frankly the plan is to win every game and therefore long term planning isn't required" said Hall "but yes there is a strategy to it but I'm not telling the media about it as we'd be broadcasting it to the opposition". Hall confirmed that next weeks opponents Provoke Evolution might well be up a creek somewhere without a paddle after seven straight losses. "It might pay however for the Rovers to remember though that we had to come from behind to beat them by a single goal last time" said Hall.

Hall Manages Rovers From The Beach

2007-01-16T20:02:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall relaxed today at Scorching Bay on Wellington harbour after the 13 - 0 win yesterday against Brookers. Hall said the way the league stood at present there was a very good chance that Brookers would be the Rovers semi-final opponent. "Brookers are currently fourth and if Ten Left Feet won their match today, then Brookers can't be headed in fourth place" said Hall "which means if we can win our last two games we'll be facing Brookers in the semi-final". Hall said two of the teams that would probably have made the semi-final Post-It and Intergen failed to pay their fees on time and therefore failed to pick up the ten bonus points for doing so. "These two teams play each other in the final round and therefore the loser will be out of the semi-final". said Hall. Hall said being a full time football manager was paying dividends as not only were Rovers going well but he thought sitting on the beach sure beat sitting in an office. "I'm adjusting quite well to the lifestyle" said Hall.

Unlucky For Brookers

2007-01-15T15:15:00.000+13:00

A refreshed Land Rovers team recovered from the long holiday lay off with a comprehensive thrashing of Brookers today 13 - 0. "I think what was satisfying abut that win was we weren't at our best and yet we knocked in thirteen goals whilst keeping a clean sheet" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall. Brookers never looked competitive even before the game but there was always a danger Rovers wouldn't fire in the humid conditions. "Any fears we had were allayed early on when we scored two or three in the opening minutes" said Hall "and Eddie and Ben mopped up any incursions into our half". As the game wore on Brookers dropped deeper and deeper into their own half to try and contain the Rovers attack. "They dropped back and had two players marking me most of the time" said Hall "but this left huge gaps in behind for Ben (pictured) to take pot shots at their goal". Hall said it was like a rifle range in the last three or four minutes and the last goal was a stunner as White knocked one in from half way. "A good opener for Rovers" said Hall "and Ben White must have got some new shooting boots for Christmas".

Final Score: Rovers 13 Brookers 0

Holiday Over for Rovers

2007-01-14T15:04:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today that the holiday was over for the Rovers squad as they faced Brookers tomorrow in the Shed of Dreams. "It will no doubt be hot and muggy and difficult to gasp the air" said Hall "and then we'll kick off and it will get worse". Hall said he himself had put himself through an intensive programme of video game playing since Christmas after he purchased Fifa 2007. "This game has a an upgraded management feature and I'm currently building a Rovers squad that will go on to win the Premiership" said Hall "but I reckon the principles are the same so in real life we'd have to be a chance for the Division 7 championship". Hall said Brookers wasn't the best performed team in the league but no one can be underestimated. "We're building to a good unit but we didn't play very well back in the grading games and we don't want to slip back to that standard". The game kicks off at 1 pm in the Shed of Dreams.

Smith Says He'll Lick Beckham's Boots.

2007-01-13T00:36:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith today confirmed this afternoon that he was available to lick Beckham's boots. providing they belonged to Victoria Beckham. "Obviously we'd have to sort out the details with regarding payment" said Smith "but I think if she'll accept a thousand quid a week I might be able to get my money back by providing photographic evidence to The Sun". Smith said licking boots wasn't all that bad and he'd had a bit of practice at home as a way of escaping the doghouse.

Victoria Beckham meanwhile is reportedly set to star in Tom Cruise's new Scientology film. The Spice Girl has apparently been lined up to play an alien bride in The Thetan - based on the science fiction fantasy world of Ron Hubbard. "I had a feeling I might be able to play the Thetan" said Smith "as I'm sure the fringe benefits must be worth it".

Spot The Statue Competition

2007-01-12T16:18:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers marketing manager Heather Fernandes today launched a new concept in Internet competitions. "We've seen spot the ball before and it has become a little old hat" said Fernandes "so I'm launching a spot the statue competition". Fernandes said that somewhere in the photo (right) is a statue and anyone who can successfully pick the statue will get a free pint from Charlie Smith on his return from England, providing they can spot him with his hand on his wallet at the Occidental. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he'd heard Smith had transferred to LA Galaxy to work as David Beckham's boot cleaner. "Apparently as Beckham is on a million dollars a week, he can now afford to have Charlie lick his boots" said Hall.

Hall Offers Halstead Strikers Role

2007-01-11T17:48:00.000+13:00

With Team Wellington expecting an exodus of players following the continuation of their poor form. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall is poised to make a bid for Team Wellington striker Peter Halstead. "We missed out on Andy Barron when he went back to play for Canterbury" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "so we don't want to miss out on a chance of signing Halstead". Hall said an offer in the vicinity of five pints per match was possible if Halstead wanted to make the move to Rovers. "He can't be having much fun playing for Mick Waite who keeps subbing him for reasons unknown to the local fans" said Hall "and let's face it, Team Wellington don't have much chance of winning anything under the current regime". Hall said Rovers were well on track to retain their title although the return of Smith later in January could unsettle the side. "Six weeks in Pommyland will no doubt go to his head" said Hall "he'll be thinking he knows something about football again".

Trophy Hunting

2007-01-10T09:03:00.000+13:00

Recovering today from the disappointment of the FA Cup draw, Charlie Smith scooted off to Anfield to see the sort of trophy cabinet that Pompey could only dream about. "I had a taste of winning a championship with Rovers" said Smith "so I know what winning is all about, but Rovers will have to collect a few more yet to match this". Smith stated he was confident that Pompey could overcome the the FA Cup draw and go on to win the trophy. He also said that Pompey would march on to a top four position in the Premiership and qualify for Europe next season.

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was all very well Smith frollicking around football grounds in Britain, but he had to plan for Rovers next fixture on Monday. "We're focussed on putting another trophy in our cabinet, or should I say on our shelf". Rovers play an improving Brookers side who recently beat Post IT to register their second win. The match will kick off at 1 pm at the Shed Of Dreams.

Pompey Exit FA Cup

2007-01-09T19:35:00.000+13:00

Pompey exited the FA Cup today when they were drawn against Manchester United away at the Theatre of Dreams. "I felt a bit sorry for Charlie when the draw came out, knowing they were on a hiding to nothing" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but unfortunately for Pompey, someone had to come up against Man U who will no doubt go on to win it this year". Hall said it was unfortunate that Wellington Indoor Sports didn't run a knockout competition so that Land Rovers could go for the double. "I'm not devaluing us winning the Championship" said Hall "but winning the double would be something else". Charlie Smith was in rehabilitation and unavailable for comment.

Smith Rehabilitating

2007-01-08T19:23:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith admitted today that checking in to the Guinness Rehabilitation Centre had been the best move he'd made in years. "I figured I was drinking a bit much and I should cut back to about twenty pints a day" said Smith "and the great news is if you stay on Guinness then twenty pints is about right". Smith said he'd probably be considered a teetotaler in Perth if he only drank twenty pints a day but it was something he could live with for the good of his health. "It's good to see the lad cutting back" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "it will cut down the costs at his farewell".

Smith Can't Knock Off The Guinness

2007-01-07T23:00:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith was reportedly found it very difficult to leave the Guinness alone and had considered abandoning his move to Western Australia to move in permanently at the brewery. "I know they have beer in Oz of a sort" said Smith "but it ain't the real thing is it?". Smith spoke as he recovered from the 5 - 0 thrashing of the English cricket team by Australia. "A few ales help you forget the cricket" said Smith "and hopefully by the time I move to Perth they will have stopped gloating". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Smith was wishful thinking if he thought the Aussies would ever forget the 5 - 0 win. "They'll still be talking to Charlie about this when he is a very old man" suggested Hall.

Smith Surfaces In Dublin

2007-01-06T22:04:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith today surfaced in Dublin after his attempts to lie low in the English Midlands were thwarted by the poor quality of the midlands beverages. "I had a few beers in Birmingham and frankly the resultant hangover left me feeling like a Guniness" said Smith "so I said to the Mrs why don't we pop over to Dublin for a real drop". Smith was certainly in his element once on a pub crawl of Dublin and it can only be something of a surprise to find he intends to head to Liverpool for the weekend. "Dublin certainly suits my style" said Smith "but unfortunately they don't have a team in the Premiership so I'll have to stick with Pompey".

White says "We're Just Good Friends"

2007-01-05T19:48:00.000+13:00

With Charlie Smith safely in the UK, Ben White today announced that he and Charlie were just good friends. "I can imagine there are scurrilous rumours going around about how Charlie and I have formed a close defensive unit" said White "but I can assure you it doesn't go beyond that". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he didn't pry into the private affairs of his squad and had hitherto been unaware of the rumours White was referring to. "I guess with Charlie in England there is always the possibility that the gutter press will become involved in Charlie's activities" said Hall "but if Charlie says he sleeps on the sofa then that's good enough for me". Hall said White, Smith and Hussey had formed a close bond as a unit and had built an 'understanding' that opposition players found hard to crack.

Beckham Move Unlikely

2007-01-04T19:03:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he wasn't considering a move from David Beckham to Land Rovers as he didn't see a place for him in the Rovers squad. "David could no doubt play wide out on the right, except on an indoor pitch wide out in the right would be outside the side boards" quipped Hall "and then there is the small matter of whether or not a whip round would pay his wages". Hall said he'd be prepared to exchange Charlie Smith for Beckham providing Real Madrid threw in a couple of shirts, although Smith has reportedly said he would only transfer to Pompey in the Premiership. "We've got a sex symbol in Mark Fatu already" reported Hall "I can see it getting complicated if we hired another".

Smith Lying Low

2007-01-03T17:49:00.000+13:00

The seemingly magical impact of Charlie Smith on the Portsmouth football team came to an end when Bolton beat Portsmouth to send them down the table. Portsmouth had had a dream run whilst Smith was on English soil but are now sliding down the table as most expected they would. "They haven't quite done an Aston Vila yet" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but at least my pre-season prediction that Villa would struggle is finally starting to happen". Smith has not been in contact in recent days and was believed to be hiding in the English midlands. "We know he has tickets to the game at Anfield so we want that photo of him at the ground to prove he was there".

Steep Learning Curve

2007-01-02T20:58:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confessed today that his first year a Land Rovers Manager had been a steep learning curve. "I expected to win the championship in the first season but we didn't win until the second" said Hall "it was a little like climbing Baldwin Street (pictured) in Dunedin, not quite as easy as you think when you set out". Hall wished the players, management and worldwide fan base a happy new year and said he was gradually adjusting to full time football management. "It is certainly possible I'll be looking for a day job this year" said Hall "as so far football management has consistently failed to pay my mortgage". Hall was back in Wellington after another bumpy ride on the Interisland ferry. "I thought football management had its ups and downs, but that ferry last night had more ups and downs than West Ham in recent years"

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T23:48:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Chairman Dean Rossiter this morning wished all associated with Land Rovers football club a happy new year. "We've got one championship under our belts in 2006 and I think we've got things going pretty well to defend the title" said Rossiter "it's been a matter of getting the right mix of youth and experience, and we've found that having no youth is about the right mix". Rossiter said he could see New Zealand as a whole was heading places this year, which was one of the reasons he'd be leaving the country. "Let's face it global warming hasn't reached Wellington yet so I'm off to Brisbane to look for further evidence of this warming trend" confirmed Rossiter. Rossiter believed the only down side to Australia would be that Charlie Smith would be at the other end of the same continent. Smith was unavailable for comment due to Pompey getting stuffed by Bolton in a Premier League match overnight.

Fatu Transfer Interest

2006-12-31T20:33:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he expected interest from new Knights coach Rikki Herbert during the January transfer window. Hall said he was unlikely himself to buy anyone in for Rovers but he understood Herbert was taking a good look at Mark Fatu to boost the crowds at Mount Smart. "Miraculously the Knights had a 3-1 win the other day" said Hall "and apparently Herbert thinks Fatu would have the pulling power to boost attendance for the Knights". Hall said Herbert was not considering Fatu for the starting line up, rather he would walk up and down in front of the main stand winking at the female supporters.

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said tonight he would welcome in the new year quietly on Caroline Bay in Timaru, along with several thousand other people and $12000 worth of pyrotechnics. "You could say it will be an explosive start to the year" said Hall "and an explosive start is exactly what Rovers will be needing if we're to go on and defend the championship"

House Hunting

2006-12-30T23:02:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today that part of his mission in Dunedin was to look for a house that would confirm his status as a top line football manager. "I look around at my peers, the likes of Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho, and I don't see them living in the cramped quarters of my Wellington residence" protested Hall "so I had a look around and I found a suitable place out on the Otago Peninsula that should keep me in the style to which I will become accustomed". Hall said that he'd need a whip round of club players and supporters to be able to afford the residence as he was not quite earning the salary at present of Ferguson or Murinho. "We don't have the foreign backing yet of Chelsea or Manchester United" said Hall "so my salary isn't currently what it could be".

University Challenge

2006-12-29T08:01:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was visiting Otago University today to see if he could drum up any interest from the academics on studying high performance athletes. "I was hoping we'd be able to get them to invest some cash in how to get more out of Charlie Smith" said Hall "but apparently they are more interested in athletes that have represented their country and Smith has yet to make his debut for England". Hall said the funding situation made it difficult for football as the funding agency SPARC only funded minority sports. "If you made up a game and became world champion at it" said Hall "SPARC would give you plenty of cash, but they have little or no interest in the wrold number one sport". Hall said it would be a challenge to get Otago interested in studying Smith although the psychology department was always a possibility to help Smith with his on field discipline.

Smith Visits Mecca

2006-12-28T09:48:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith sent through a photo this morning of his visit to Mecca, otherwise known as Fratton Park. "It wouldn't be right if I hadn't visited Fratton Park during the season when Pompey are doing so well" said Smith "I know most Rovers players hold the Shed of Dreams as a religious shrine which it is for the indoor game, but there is something special about Fratton Park for the outdoor game". Land Rovers manager Steve Hall said whilst he wouldn't pass up an offer of an all expenses paid trip to Fratton Park, he would have to content himself with a visit to Culling Park, home of his former club Dunedin Technical. "Looks like this week is about people visiting their spiritual homes" said Hall "and sitting here in North Dunedin this morning is almost perfect except for the fact they don't have Sky Sport 2 in this apartment".

Hall Scouting In Dunedin

2006-12-27T21:13:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this evening that he was spending a few days in Dunedin scouting for talent. "This is my old stomping ground" said Hall "and my first port of call was my old university hostel Knox College (pictured) where I once played for the Knox Invincible Superstars, also known as KISS United". Hall said it was his success there in winning the championship that put him on the road to his successful managerial career. "I learnt
a lot from that campaign" said Hall "that you can still be a winning team without any discernible leadership". Hall said it was good to see the old hostel which hadn't changed much since his days there. "It still looks like an old castle really" said Hall "and as this is Dunedin it is constantly raining as you'd expect"

Smith Helping Pompey

2006-12-26T20:54:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith appears to be having some impact on the performance of Portsmouth Football Club since his arrival on the scene for his northern hemisphere holiday. Pompey have again registered a win with a 2 - 1 win over Portsmouth leaving Smith to claim he is helping the cause with is presence in the country. "Looks like I might have to stay on after the six weeks the way things are going" chortled Smith "I seem to be having the same impact on Pompey I had on Rovers". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Smith was overplaying his role in the success of the teams he was associated with "We haven't quite forgotten his performance in goal against Infinity when he was glued to the spot as six goals flew in our net" said Hall "so I'm sure Pompey won't be giving him too much credit right now".

Smith in Igloo Doghouse for Christmas

2006-12-25T22:26:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith was last night sleeping in a snow encrusted English doghouse after news of his escapades reached the international media via this blog. "Yeah the story about the one room flat didn't go down all that well with the Mrs" confessed Smith "and for a while there it was like that film Mr and Mrs Smith, until I beat a tactical retreat to the doghouse". Smith said Christmas wasn't all that bad as Pompey were doing alright with his extra support and he spent many happy hours in the doghouse dreaming about European football next season. "I managed to sneak out to the hard rock cafe to thaw out" said Smith "the corgi resident in the dog house was starting to take liberties and I needed a break". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was unfortunate that Smith was in such a predicament and he'd take time out from his sun lounger to send Smith a sympathy e mail next week. Hall wished all Rovers players and supporters a very Merry Christmas.

Smith "It Must Be Christmas"

2006-12-24T06:34:00.000+13:00

Pompey got three home points this morning to stay in the top four Champions League slots. Charlie Smith in attendance at Fratton Park but it was his visit to London that was keeping the local press interested in his activities. "Went up to London to meet up with some old workmates and this girl I know let me stay in her one bedroom flat" confessed Smith "so as you'd expect I ended up getting very drunk and met a bloke from Brisbane, one from Melbourne and a guy from Wanganui" Smith said he drank a lot of champagne and went back to the one bedroom flat. "I slept on the sofa all night" claims Smith "and in the morning got up and let myself out". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Smith might be doing a lot more sleeping on the sofa after his story hit the international media.

Smith Chats Up Seaman

2006-12-23T16:33:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith's rampage through England took on greater significance when he met former England goalkeeper David Seaman in Harrods coffee bar. "I spent the whole day trooping round the shops and sights of London with the wife and a massive hangover" informed Smith "I decided to go the Harrods coffee bar while the Mrs shopped, and I was sitting there minding my own business and this tall guy sat down next to me". Smith instantly failed to recognise the stranger who asked him if there was anyone sitting next to him. "After a while I realised it was David Seaman with a clean shave and no pony tail" said Smith "so we had a chat and he said he'd look up the Rovers site". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Smith talking to seaman in a bar was about par for the course for a Pompey supporter.

Harder Than It Looks

2006-12-22T21:17:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed that life as a full time football manager was proving more difficult than previously envisioned. “Just look at today where I lay around in a hot pool in brilliant sunshine” said Hall “and all I had to think about was tactics for the run into the semi-final in early February”. Hall said he was so focussed on football that he scarcely noticed the bikini clad women draped around the edges of the pools. “If you’re going to take this job as a football manager seriously you have to be single-minded and use these opportunities to focus on winning the title” said Hall “I consider sitting in a hot pool work not recreation, it’s not something that the casual observer would understand”. Hall said he urged all Rovers players to keep up their usual fitness regime over the summer break “We can’t afford to drop our standards” said Hall “changing our pattern could prove fatal to our championship ambitions”.

Hall Hits Hanmer

2006-12-21T20:17:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed tonight he was in Hanmer Springs and confirmed he is there undertaking alcohol treatment. “I’m drinking a nice full flavoured beer as we speak” said Hall ‘and I can confirm there is certainly something to this relaxing in a hot pool “. Hall said the beer would probably be a prelude to a Chardonnay or three later on. “I think if you’re going to spend a few nights in Hanmer then you really should undertake the full treatment regime” said Hall “I might even have to have the odd Kahlua for desert and maybe a Baileys”. Hall said he thought he’d never quite get to Hanmer after a rough ride out of Wellington on the Interislander. “If I had any doubt the front of a ferry could become airborne” reported Hall “I can now confirm it makes a loud noise when it crash lands”.

McIntosh Issues Statement

2006-12-20T18:01:00.000+13:00

Due to the complete lack of speculation as to his future with the club, Colin McIntosh issued a media statement this afternoon that he would be staying with the Land Rovers club until the end of the season at least. "I know it is the news silly season" said McIntosh "so I expected a bit of media speculation as to what I would be doing going forward, but the complete lack of speculation forced me to make a statement". "The lad still has a useful role in the team and we're keen for him to stay on" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "you can always rely on Col to stick a goal in the net at a vital time in a vital game". Hall said Smith was grabbing the media spotlight with his antics in Britain but said all too often the media forgot the player who didn't set out to splash his picture on the front pages.

Smith Continues Rampage

2006-12-19T19:48:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith is set to continue his one man rampage through British football when he picked up tickets to Pompey's home match against Sheffield United. Smith has been keeping himself entertained watching pub fights "I went out at weekend and got trollied in portsmouth" said Smith "and even saw a blinding fight in the pub right next to me had a ringside seat". Smith is well known for finding brawls entertaining as a Rovers player, but now he has expanded his recreational activities to other peoples fights. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it had been noticeable how the Rovers discipline had improved since Smith left "We're becoming a well drilled disciplined side" said Hall "something totally unknown in the days of Smith and Riddle".

Giving Is Better Than Receiving

2006-12-18T14:35:00.000+13:00

After waiting in a thirty minute queue at the Post Office this morning to post a parcel, Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was in a charitable mood today when it came to the rematch against Post-It, first round victors 8-7 over Land Rovers. "My motto is that giving is better than receiving, so we were in no mood to receive goals from Post-It and quite determined to give them a bit of Christmas cheer in the form of hitting the back of their net" said Hall. The game started with both sides testing each other out before Hussey (pictured) eventually broke the deadlock with a well taken drive. Hall made some fine saves in the Rovers goal before Post finally sneaked an equaliser with one that went in off both posts. Hussey immediately replied with another long range drive and from then on Rovers asserted their dominance to eventually lead 5 - 1. Two late consolation goals to Post-It had Rovers steadying the ship but their was never any danger that Post would get back to draw. "That's five in a row and I think we have another cog or two to go yet" said Hall "we were rusty as hell in the pre-season but have steadily improved as the competition has gone on". Hall said after watching Manyoo and Barca play like girls this morning it was a relief to see a form team finally win something.

Final Score: Land Rovers 5 Post-It 3

Barcelona Play Like Manuel

2006-12-18T01:15:00.000+13:00

Barcelona joined the New Zealand Knights as a losing side this evening as they were beaten in the World Club Final 1 - 0. Barcelona played like Fawlty Towers waiter Manuel against Internacional and lost to a goal with only minutes left on the clock to lose the title to the Brazillian club. "Let's not talk about the Knights tonight" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "let's talk about Barcelona getting mugged by Pato (pictured) and company". Hall said whilst it was tempting to stay up all night to watch Chelsea and Manyoo respectively, there was a game to play tomorrow for Rovers that would require some beauty sleep first. "My thoughts now turn to beating Post-It in the match tomorrow" said Hall "and I'm installing us as the underdog".

kNIGHTsMARE

2006-12-17T19:18:00.000+13:00

Troubled Hyundai A-League franchise the New Zealand Knights travel to Melbourne for the match tonight against runaway leaders Melbourne. The Knights last week had their licence revoked and are now under control of New Zealand football. Due to contractual discussions with the players, the team missed the plane to Melbourne and only nine players were able to make a later flight. The team is being topped up with Australian based players so that the game can go ahead. "This is something of a farce and if the Knights can keep the score to less than 5 - 0 tonight then it will be a morale victory" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "although it is a lesson on how not to manage a football team". After that we've got the World Club final kicking of at 11.30 pm Wellington time. "Watching the Knights and Barcelona in the same evening should provide an interesting contrast" said Hall "but Rovers players will probably learn more from watching Ronaldinho (pictured) and Barcelona than the Knights". A Knights spokesmen who did not want to be identified said there were no immediate plans to tempt Ronaldinho to transfer to the Knights.

Smith Claims Magical Powers

2006-12-17T07:08:00.000+13:00

A severely hung over Charlie Smith claimed that his magical powers as a football supporter helped Pompey snatch a vital point from Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium this morning (Shed 1 Time). "We got off to a good start and were two - nil up with a bit of help from my vocal chords" said Smith "but then I did a streak and it seemed to revive the Arse and they got a couple of goals back". Smith also confessed exclusively to this blog that he sneaked down to Scumland during the week to "check out the talent". This is a remarkable confession as every Pompey supporter knows that Southampton 'talent' looks like an overweight Russian body building champion with pimples. "I'll be sending some photos over as a record of my adventures" said Smith "and wish the Rovers all the best for their top of the table clash against Post-It tomorrow". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he felt safer with Smith on the other side of the world adding "I think I've found a new player to replace Smith who will keep a lower profile".

Strikers Surplus For Pompey

2006-12-16T20:51:00.000+13:00

Sol Campbell (right) this evening (Shed 1 Time) ruled himself out of playing striker for Pompey against Arsenal early tomorrow local time. Harry Redknapp wasn't available for comment on whether or not he had considered the availability of Charlie Smith (below) for the fixture. Smith at the game on a visit home from New Zealand, was available to play but will now only be able to support his team in the stand. "I heard rumours on the net that on hearing Smith was available" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "Redknapp decided to play a 5 - 5 - 0 formation, figuring no striker was preferable to having Smith up there. Pompey are expected to struggle in the match which is evidently only available for viewing on dodgy Internet sites as it is not being shown in New Zealand on Sky.

In other news, Team Wellington proved how dull football can be with a 0 - 0 draw with bottom placed Waikato. "If we had a tactical plan then it was not obvious to anyone in the stand" said Hall "but Mick decided to take off Peter Halstead which looked close to the strangest substitution in history".

Pompey Desperate - Is Smith The Answer?

2006-12-16T09:57:00.000+13:00

Charles Smith was this morning (Shed 1 time) preparing himself for the daunting trip to the Emirates stadium for the Pompey match against The Arse. Pompey Manager Harry Redknapp is reportedly so desperate to find a new striker with Kanu suspect and Cole, Lualua and Mwaruwari all injured, that he has consider playing Sol Campbell up front for this one. Redknapp joked with Kanu that he might have to play first-team coach and former Manchesterr United and Leeds striker Joe Jordan (pictured) to which Kanu replied "Who is Joe?". If Smith is ever to make a career as a professional footballer then now is the hour to volunteer for Portsmouth as a striker. "He's not had a big impact in the goal scoring stakes in Indoor Football with only three goals ever "said Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but he'd surely make some impact in the outdoor game even if it was to damage the Emirates pitch (above left)".

Unable Seaman

2006-12-16T01:11:00.000+13:00

Auckland City tonight lost their World Club Championship match 3 - 0 to against Korea Republic's Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors, but Auckland player Paul Seaman (pictured) missed a sitter from right in front of goal. "It was the sort of miss that Charlie Smith might contrive from out in front of goal if Charlie ever found himself in space" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and it is fair to say even I might have had a chance of converting that one". Tomorrow night sees Barcelona in action against Internacional of Brazil after their earlier 4 - 0 win. "Looking forward to the final" said Hall " I might pick up a few pointers for the big game on Monday against Post It. Land Rovers take on Post It in Shed 6 (Shed of Light) and hope to turn the tables on Post It who beat Rovers in the last round.

All The Best Auckland AFC

2006-12-15T16:53:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers manager Steve Hall wished Auckland AFC all the best for the clash this evening (11 pm Shed 1 time) against Korea Republic's Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors in the World Club Championship. "The Knights have finally imploded this week and come under New Zealand Football with Ricki Herbert managing" said Hall "so the Auckland AFC game might be the only bright spot in New Zealand football this week besides our own impressive win". Hall said the way things are going many of the Auckland players might soon find themselves playing for the Knights. "There have been only four New Zealand players in the Knights and the results haven't been flash" said Hall "so putting in New Zealand players isn't going to make things any worse on the field, but will ultimately develop local players to a higher standard". Hall hoped the name the Knights would change as well. "I was thinking Rovers has a better ring to it". said Hall.

Gosport Quiet - though Anfield might not be

2006-12-14T14:25:00.000+13:00

The arrival of Charlie Smith in Gosport has so far failed to cause the expected riots, and Smith says he has yet to run into a Southampton supporter. "I ran into more scummers in New Zealand than I would in a life time here in Gosport" said Smith "although that might have something to do with scummers having a low life expectancy in this part of the world". Smith had considered inviting ex Rovers player and current Rovers advisor Chris Riddle over to Gosport from his South Auckland getto, but realised that a 'bovver boy' like Riddle would be unlikely to get much past the outskirts of town. "In New Zealand Scummers are tolerated" said Smith "but over here we don't much care for them as political correctness toward loving the supporters of rival clubs just doesn't exist". Smith's travel to Anfield for the Pompey versus Liverpool match should be made more interesting as he has had some 'advance publicity' on a Liverpool fan site. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he expected Smith would have a warm welcome if he went anywhere near The Kop.

Rossiter To Leave At End Of The Season

2006-12-13T11:05:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Chairman Dean Rossiter confirmed that he would be staying on until the end of the current season, but had longer term aims to leave the glorious Wellington weather behind him. "When I heard that Charlie Smith was moving to Perth, I thought the idea of moving to Oz had appeal" said Rossiter "but obviously I wanted to stay well clear of Charlie so I'll be in Brisbane which should be just far enough away". Rossiter said the club had moved from strength to strength under his stewardship and it now looked like bowing out with a second championship win was a distinct possibility. "I think we've built a squad that could take us into Division 6" said Rossiter "and I'll watch with interest as I recline on the beach in Queensland to see what happens next". Rossiter said that whilst there was appeal in staying on in Wellington as Chairman as Rovers, after difficult deliberations the sunny climate and relaxed lifestyle of Queensland had won the day by the narrowest of margins.

Good Morning Gosport

2006-12-12T08:53:00.000+13:00

Charles Smith was settling in to the 'English Riviera" this morning (Shed 1 Time) with the news that yet another book was being released on the infamous 657 gang. "I don't know if Charlie was ever in the 657 group" said Land Rover Manager Steve Hall "but he sure seems to get a bit agitated on the field at times especially with referees, so there is a hint of the hooligan element there". Pompey are currently third in the Premiership so Smith is certainly in for a good six weeks of matches as he follows Pompey to Anfield and Emirates Stadium. "We're looking forward to the photos coming through" said Hall "as after seeing Charlie at the Rugby League test I can only imagine what he'd be like at a Pompey match". Smith was unavailable for comment.

Rovers Repulse Intergen

2006-12-11T15:14:00.000+13:00

In what was as good a performance as any previously played by Rovers, five man Rovers ran riot over title pretenders Intergen.Net this morning at the Shed of Dreams. "I was a bit worried when our sixth man Andy 'fair weather' Auer didn't turn up as expected" said Hall "but the five courageous players who did put up a superb effort and left the Intergen boys a bit shell shocked". Hall said it was a close affair early on with Intergen scoring first from a long range pot shot, but Rovers stuck to their work and had a handy 6 - 1 lead at half time. "Everyone contributed to this result and Lance Edwards (pictured) is coming on in leaps and bounds" said Hall "he even stuck a few in the net in the pre-match warm up and got within twenty feet during the match". White, Hussey, Hall and McIntosh all scored at least a couple, with White again demonstrating the effectiveness of his runs from deep. "The score makes it sound like an easy game but it was anything but" said Hall "this one is the result of hard graft and good team work, the boys can be proud".

In other news, Charlie Smith arrived in Gosport, England knowing Pompey had done the business over the weekend. "I'm sure even I'd have scored for Rovers in that match" said Smith, although others pondered whether Smith being on the other side of the world had aided the Rovers cause.

Final Score: Land Rovers 12 Intergen.Net 3

Well Done Auckland City

2006-12-11T01:42:00.000+13:00

Auckland City AFC went down 2 - 0 this morning in the World Club Championship to Al Ahly at the Toyota Stadium in Japan but put up a very creditable performance. "For my money they looked better than the Knights who played their A League game immediately before and drew 1 - 1" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and it would be interesting to see what happened if they played the Knights". Hall said it was unfortunate that Bryan Little (pictured) didn't make the team but he might get a run in the next match on Friday. Hall said it was a late night however with a key Rovers fixture tomorrow. "I might have to flag the Chelsea match as it is only three hours away and I need to sleep" said Hall "Rovers play rivals Intergen tomorrow and it will be a tough match". Rovers kick off at 11 am in the Shed of Dreams.

Big In Japan

2006-12-10T12:43:00.000+13:00

The whirlwind visit of Charles Smith to Tokyo was certainly not the only event of interest in Japan today as Auckland City prepare for their World Club Championship match this evening. Smith went almost unnoticed as a glittering array of football talent entered the country, and not surprisingly he was not mistaken for Ronaldiniho by the Japanese press. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said the Rovers club gave Auckland City best wishes and Hall said he would be watching the match against African and Egyptian Champions Al Ahly (kick off 11 pm Shed 1 time). "I know it is a Jafa team playing and I wouldn't normally follow them" said Hall "but former Team Wellington player Bryan Little is in the team so I'll lend my our support for this one". Hall said with the Knights playing Adelaide and Team Wellington taking on Waitakere it would be a busy day for local football followers. "Hopefully we'll get two out of three results" said Hall " but I don't fancy the Knights chances to be honest and none of the teams I'm supporting will be starting favourites".

Smith Gives Hickey Advice

2006-12-09T08:14:00.000+13:00

Charles Smith failed to leave the country quietly when he ran into Noah Hickey at Auckland International Airport this morning and gave Hickey some advice on the finer points of the game. Smith waiting for his plane to Japan, did not miss the opportunity to pass on his footballing experience to the Knights "striker" who has the knack of not finding the net with the Knights this season. "I gave him a bit of advice based on my last goal" said Smith "that you won't score unless you shoot and if he pulls finger he might still score another goal before the season ends". The Knights off to Adelaide to play against Romario were grateful for Smith's insights and thanked him before boarding their plane. Smith has a stop over in Tokyo and will watch video of the J League to see if there are any perspective Rovers prospects in the league. "If the Knights can import Chinese players" said Smith "I guess we can import Japanese players".

Fatu Downplays Sex Symbol Status

2006-12-08T07:11:00.000+13:00

Mark Fatu this morning confirmed his status as a sex symbol was hurting his ambitions to be taken seriously as a Hollywood producer. "It is all very flattering having a huge entourage of female fans" said Fatu "but I am serious about my film and television career and I think you'll see through my blog At Home With The Beast that I have that creative x factor that possibly only Peter Jackson can come close to". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he needed Fatu to do his talking on the pitch as he was in danger of being distracted by the glamour of film and television. "My sister is a television producer and director and has won a few media awards with her company Jam TV"said Hall "so if Fatu can score a hat-trick next week I'll have a quiet word and see if we can get him on Intrepid Journeys".

Smith Off

2006-12-07T14:59:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith was set to push off to the UK for a six week excursion tomorrow that will take in Pompey games at Anfield, Emerates Stadium and of course Fratton Park. "I'm looking forward to the trip but especially the opportunity to see Pompey stuff Spurs, always one of the highlights of the Premiership season" said Smith "and when I come back I have to make immediate plans to depart for sunny Perth". Smith said he expected to sneak in another game or two for Rovers before setting up a Rovers franchise in Western Australia. "I'm lucky that the manager has sold me the Western Australian Rovers franchise for $10000" said Smith "I always wanted to run a successful team". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it would be quiet without Smith. "It will be like ripping out a page in Rovers history" said Hall "the biggest event since Chris Riddle moved to the South Auckland waste lands".

Elton In Town

2006-12-06T22:24:00.001+13:00

Former Watford Chairman Elton John played a concert in Wellington last night in perfect conditions before a crowd of 35000. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed that he attended the event hoping to have a word to Elton about a cash injection into the Land Rovers Football Club. "Obviously if we're to achieve our aim to be the best in Wellington by 2030, we're going to need to either improve the skills of our current squad by throwing cash at them or we'll need some new players" said Hall "and right now in my current state of employment the throwing cash at it is the favoured option". Hall said he was sure the team would train harder if they were all able to turn professional and work at it full time. "I'm noticing the benefits of being outside on a beautiful day already" said Hall "and I think with a bit of Elton's cash I could become quite accustomed to the lifestyle".

Exclusive: Warne At It Again

2006-12-05T20:21:00.000+13:00

Shane Warne was caught at it again this evening and the "it" was dismissing English batsmen in the 2nd test of the Ashes series at Adelaide. Land Rovers "utility" Charlie Smith was in despair this evening as the Poms collapsed in the face of a spin bowling legend Warne. Smith just three days off returning to the United Kingdom for six weeks said the only redeeming feature was that he wasn't moving to Australia until late February, and could at least spend his misery with like minded company. "At times like this one needs to be with family as they know the hurt I am going through" said Smith "and I can only hope by the time I get to Oz that England will have made a remarkable turn around and won the series". Smith would not be drawn on how much he would be betting on that outcome but the odds were understood to be "highly attractive" down at the TAB.

White Magic

2006-12-04T15:47:00.000+13:00

Ben White today single handedly rescued Land Rovers from a defeat to bottom placed Provoke Evolution. Land Rovers starting line dwindled to four players as three late withdrawals saw the team struggling for numbers. "We finally drafted in our first girl when John Cao's other half dropped by to watch the match" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but they'd already both played a game so fitness was always going to be a telling factor in this one". Rovers took a while to get the combination together and went promptly 3 - 0 down. The fight back didn't look likely until a goal just before half time gave Rovers a sniff. Early in the second half Rovers pulled one back but it looked all over when Promote Evolution scored again. "Then Ben put his foot down hard on the accelerator when everyone else was dead" said Hall "and he went forward and just took them to pieces with some great goals". One of the great escapes and should leave Rovers top of the table for another week.

Final Score: Rovers 7 Provoke Evolution 6

Pollock Perturbed

2006-12-03T20:47:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Supporters Club President Liz Pollock today confessed to being perturbed at hearing the result this weekend from her other great love Tottenham Hotspurs. Spurs took on arch rivals Arsenal at the Emirates stadium in front of 60,115 people and were soundly thrashed by a rampant Arsenal side. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he had tried to get on the phone to console Pollock but she was understood not to be taking calls. "I know this is a blow to Liz and but as we no longer work at the same office" said Hall "I won't be able to offer her those few words on encouragement tomorrow that she'd normally expect". Fortunately it was expected that Charlie Smith would fill the void as his own Pompey team managed a draw.

Land Rovers play again tomorrow in Shed 6 and hope to stay on the winning trail.

Rossiter Rules Out Rovers Restructure

2006-12-02T11:47:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Chairman Dean Rossiter today confirmed that there were no immediate plans for Land Rovers to restructure in the wake of the Chairman and Manager ending their association Land Information New Zealand. "The majority of the players remain in LINZ employment and current sponsorship deals will probably see that LINZ connection remain until the end of the season". Rossiter said there certainly was interest from other sectors and it might well be that further down the track that Rovers would move away from the Land brand. "Let's face it, we're not above becoming Toyota Rovers if the money is right" said Rossiter. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall agreed with Rossiter "Why mess with success at this point" said Hall "when a restructure will almost inevitably create more issues than it resolves".

Hall Winds Up Day Job

2006-12-01T06:10:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall today dispensed with the hassle of working during the day when he finished his twenty-two year career as a Public Servant. "As a full time football manager I'll have the chance to review all the tapes of the weekend Premier League, Spanish League and A League games, and work on strategies to get Charlie to play like Ronaldiniho" said Hall "so you can see it will be an immense challenge". Hall said he's had a good run with his current day job but a third restructure in three years finally got him. "There's a thirst these days for bringing in new people" said Hall "and the concept of the learning organisation is to get new recruits or consultants to come in and spend six months to learn what your experienced people already knew". Hall said he'd had the pleasure of working with some excellent people and he could have few complaints about the opportunities he'd had over the last nine years with his current employer. "I got a bit emotional yesterday for around fifteen seconds" said Hall "but then I pulled myself together and realised that I've got to remain strong if Rovers are to win Division 7 again".

Hall also confirmed he would be staying on as the Communications Manager for Mark "The Beast" Fatu, who potentially has a promising future in the film and television industry. Hall said the latest idea for a science fiction series Battlestar Spud might just be the breakthrough concept that the market was looking for. "I believe The Beast is going places with some of these ideas he is coming up with" said Hall "and I think it is a matter of time before he hits the jackpot and makes squillions".

Hall Rejected

2006-11-30T07:35:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was rejected as the next New Zealand Knights Manager today as his track record of success did not fit well with Corporate intent of the struggling A League club. "Apparently I heard they were quite concerned I'd come in and make a success of the team" said Hall "and that would reflect badly on everyone who has been associated with the current losing culture". Hall said he had worked in less than optimum working conditions before so thought he could readily adapt to losing if that was what the club required. "I must admit I prefer to be part of a winning team" said Hall "but I'm readily adaptable and if the Knights wanted consistently bad performances then I'm sure I could learn how to hire the wrong people, completely destroy team morale and ensure there was no planning for success". Hall thought on current form it would be worth the Knights dispensing with a team manager as clearly they "couldn't do much worse" and perhaps "no leadership was worth a try". Hall takes up full time football management on Monday.

Top Rovers Performance

2006-11-29T21:19:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers faced stiff opposition today when they took on unbeaten Ten Left Feet at the Shed of Dreams. Ten Left Feet had been on a prolific scoring blitz in their previous two matches knocking in an amazing twenty nine goals. "Being the master tactician that I am" said Hall "I decided we'd better start with a reasonably defensive line up and look to hit them on the break". The game remained at 0 - 0 for almost the whole first half with Rovers finally breaking the deadlock just before half time. Early in the second half Rovers pulled away to a three goal lead before being pegged back to 3 -2. Another goal apiece made it tense at 4 -3 before another goal saw Rovers out to a two goal lead with two minutes to go. "We never looked like losing that lead in those last minutes" said Hall "and all the boys played well today". Charlie Smith (pictured) got an elbow in the face and spilled a bit of claret before having a free kick awarded against him. "You can't attack the opponents elbow with your face like that" said the referee "and that blood you're spilling on the floor might lead to a red card". Smith declined to scream abuse at the referee as he couldn't quite work out what fantasy land he was living in.

Final Score: Land Rovers 5 Ten Left Feet 3

Hall Names Strong Line Up

2006-11-28T19:46:00.000+13:00

Caretaker Manager Steve Hall today named six of the seven players who played in last seasons final against Matt Is Mad for the match tomorrow against Ten Left Feet. Only Mystery Matt (pictured) will be missing from the line up being replaced by new boy John Cao. "We're holding back Mystery Matt (pictured) for the semi-final round but we're expecting big things of John tomorrow" said Hall "although if his feet move as fast as those of Mystery Matt he might well consider a career further afield in professional football". Hall confirmed that Rovers weren't that worried about finishing first in the round robin provided they qualified for the top four. "A team needs to peak at semi-final time and declaring the full hand too early is a mistake" said Hall "however we're also mindful of not getting walloped by these left footed guys so it is a balancing act".

Smith Agony

2006-11-27T22:32:00.000+13:00

Charlie Smith was today reeling from a double shock as his beloved Pompey went down to the Toons 1 - 0 at St James' Park, while over in Brisbane the Poms were soundly thrashed by a geriatric Australian cricket team. "It's not my week" said Smith "I'll probably be dropped from the Rovers side now to play Ten Left Feet on Wednesday". Land Rovers Caretaker Manager Steve Hall said if Smith thought he had it tough, he should view the recent form of Port Vale as the plummet towards Division 2. "It's bad enough when you're about to be made unemployed and your favourite English club is on a suicidal run to relegation" said Hall "but someone up there is really rubbing it in when local rivals Sjoke City are on a four game winning streak". Hall said Smith should pull it together as it would be far worse when he was actually at Fratton Park to watch Pompey lose to Spurs.

Hall To Go Full Time

2006-11-26T15:36:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed today that he would be a full time football manager by the end of the week. "My day job has been restructured and after this Friday I will be left as Caretaker Manager of Rovers and Manager of North Wellington Masters". Hall said neither of the jobs paid anything and in fact the Rovers job cost him money when team members didn't pay their fees. Hall said adjusting to unemployment would be difficult but whilst there was the positive aspect of more time to pursue personal interests, the down side of having no food to eat and nowhere to live could possibly take the edge of the experience. "I've had twenty one years uninterrupted employment" said Hall "so those little things you take for granted like a roof over your head have always been there until now". Hall said he would be approaching the New Zealand Knights (pictured) about their vacant management position but expected his recent employment in Information Technology might count against him as the Knights performances were more wooden than robotic.

Confucius Strikes Back

2006-11-25T23:03:00.000+13:00

Confucius today was asked to respond to comments from Charlie Smith that had a hint of being plagarised. "Even the greatest of whales is helpless in desert" said Smith "and that reminds me of Mr Hall in front of goal last week, a helpless whale and a desert of goals". Confucius responded that Smith should come up with his own material and added "that if Pompey dream of winning the league they have no chance". Caretaker Manager Hall said he wasn't interested in getting involved in a slanging match with a famous Chinese thinker and philosopher.

Poster Boy Back

2006-11-24T23:11:00.000+13:00

Land Rovers Poster Boy Eddie Hussey has made a surprise early return to the Rovers line up for the match against Ten Left Feet. Hussey previously thought unavailable for several weeks has announced his availability for the next match at the Shed of Dreams. "We'll need a strong line up for this match against high flying Ten Left Feet" said Caretaker Manager Steve Hall "as although we beat them in our last encounter they have been going very well having scored 29 goals in their first two matches". Hall said sorting the defence out was the first priority and the pairing of Hussey with White would most likely be the starting line up. "We'll need a strong team out for this one" said Hall "although I might resist calling in Mystery Matt this early in the competition".

Statistical Anomily

2006-11-23T23:14:00.000+13:00

Caretaker Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) this afternoon congratulated Toitu Te Whenua Manager Dale O'Brien on their first ever win in the league. "They've come a long way since we gave them a bit of a thrashing a few weeks back" said Hall "and dispatched Statistics in a rematch by an amazing 10 goals to 2". Hall said he would be keeping an eye on the Toitu squad in case anyone was able to step up to Division 7 standard. "It's good to see the Toitu boys finding their feet at last in Division 9" confessed Hall "but there is a big gulf to close between them and Division 7". Hall said he would be leaving his current day job at the end of next week which would free him up to scout other teams for potential recruits. "I'm about to become a full time football manager" said Hall "if only it paid well in Division 7".