Fatu Transfer Interest

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he expected interest from new Knights coach Rikki Herbert during the January transfer window. Hall said he was unlikely himself to buy anyone in for Rovers but he understood Herbert was taking a good look at Mark Fatu to boost the crowds at Mount Smart. "Miraculously the Knights had a 3-1 win the other day" said Hall "and apparently Herbert thinks Fatu would have the pulling power to boost attendance for the Knights". Hall said Herbert was not considering Fatu for the starting line up, rather he would walk up and down in front of the main stand winking at the female supporters.

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said tonight he would welcome in the new year quietly on Caroline Bay in Timaru, along with several thousand other people and $12000 worth of pyrotechnics. "You could say it will be an explosive start to the year" said Hall "and an explosive start is exactly what Rovers will be needing if we're to go on and defend the championship"

House Hunting

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today that part of his mission in Dunedin was to look for a house that would confirm his status as a top line football manager. "I look around at my peers, the likes of Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho, and I don't see them living in the cramped quarters of my Wellington residence" protested Hall "so I had a look around and I found a suitable place out on the Otago Peninsula that should keep me in the style to which I will become accustomed". Hall said that he'd need a whip round of club players and supporters to be able to afford the residence as he was not quite earning the salary at present of Ferguson or Murinho. "We don't have the foreign backing yet of Chelsea or Manchester United" said Hall "so my salary isn't currently what it could be".

University Challenge

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was visiting Otago University today to see if he could drum up any interest from the academics on studying high performance athletes. "I was hoping we'd be able to get them to invest some cash in how to get more out of Charlie Smith" said Hall "but apparently they are more interested in athletes that have represented their country and Smith has yet to make his debut for England". Hall said the funding situation made it difficult for football as the funding agency SPARC only funded minority sports. "If you made up a game and became world champion at it" said Hall "SPARC would give you plenty of cash, but they have little or no interest in the wrold number one sport". Hall said it would be a challenge to get Otago interested in studying Smith although the psychology department was always a possibility to help Smith with his on field discipline.

Smith Visits Mecca

Charlie Smith sent through a photo this morning of his visit to Mecca, otherwise known as Fratton Park. "It wouldn't be right if I hadn't visited Fratton Park during the season when Pompey are doing so well" said Smith "I know most Rovers players hold the Shed of Dreams as a religious shrine which it is for the indoor game, but there is something special about Fratton Park for the outdoor game". Land Rovers manager Steve Hall said whilst he wouldn't pass up an offer of an all expenses paid trip to Fratton Park, he would have to content himself with a visit to Culling Park, home of his former club Dunedin Technical. "Looks like this week is about people visiting their spiritual homes" said Hall "and sitting here in North Dunedin this morning is almost perfect except for the fact they don't have Sky Sport 2 in this apartment".

Hall Scouting In Dunedin

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this evening that he was spending a few days in Dunedin scouting for talent. "This is my old stomping ground" said Hall "and my first port of call was my old university hostel Knox College (pictured) where I once played for the Knox Invincible Superstars, also known as KISS United". Hall said it was his success there in winning the championship that put him on the road to his successful managerial career. "I learnt
a lot from that campaign" said Hall "that you can still be a winning team without any discernible leadership". Hall said it was good to see the old hostel which hadn't changed much since his days there. "It still looks like an old castle really" said Hall "and as this is Dunedin it is constantly raining as you'd expect"

Smith Helping Pompey

Charlie Smith appears to be having some impact on the performance of Portsmouth Football Club since his arrival on the scene for his northern hemisphere holiday. Pompey have again registered a win with a 2 - 1 win over Portsmouth leaving Smith to claim he is helping the cause with is presence in the country. "Looks like I might have to stay on after the six weeks the way things are going" chortled Smith "I seem to be having the same impact on Pompey I had on Rovers". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Smith was overplaying his role in the success of the teams he was associated with "We haven't quite forgotten his performance in goal against Infinity when he was glued to the spot as six goals flew in our net" said Hall "so I'm sure Pompey won't be giving him too much credit right now".

Smith in Igloo Doghouse for Christmas

Charlie Smith was last night sleeping in a snow encrusted English doghouse after news of his escapades reached the international media via this blog. "Yeah the story about the one room flat didn't go down all that well with the Mrs" confessed Smith "and for a while there it was like that film Mr and Mrs Smith, until I beat a tactical retreat to the doghouse". Smith said Christmas wasn't all that bad as Pompey were doing alright with his extra support and he spent many happy hours in the doghouse dreaming about European football next season. "I managed to sneak out to the hard rock cafe to thaw out" said Smith "the corgi resident in the dog house was starting to take liberties and I needed a break". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was unfortunate that Smith was in such a predicament and he'd take time out from his sun lounger to send Smith a sympathy e mail next week. Hall wished all Rovers players and supporters a very Merry Christmas.

Smith "It Must Be Christmas"

Pompey got three home points this morning to stay in the top four Champions League slots. Charlie Smith in attendance at Fratton Park but it was his visit to London that was keeping the local press interested in his activities. "Went up to London to meet up with some old workmates and this girl I know let me stay in her one bedroom flat" confessed Smith "so as you'd expect I ended up getting very drunk and met a bloke from Brisbane, one from Melbourne and a guy from Wanganui" Smith said he drank a lot of champagne and went back to the one bedroom flat. "I slept on the sofa all night" claims Smith "and in the morning got up and let myself out". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Smith might be doing a lot more sleeping on the sofa after his story hit the international media.

Smith Chats Up Seaman

Charlie Smith's rampage through England took on greater significance when he met former England goalkeeper David Seaman in Harrods coffee bar. "I spent the whole day trooping round the shops and sights of London with the wife and a massive hangover" informed Smith "I decided to go the Harrods coffee bar while the Mrs shopped, and I was sitting there minding my own business and this tall guy sat down next to me". Smith instantly failed to recognise the stranger who asked him if there was anyone sitting next to him. "After a while I realised it was David Seaman with a clean shave and no pony tail" said Smith "so we had a chat and he said he'd look up the Rovers site". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Smith talking to seaman in a bar was about par for the course for a Pompey supporter.

Harder Than It Looks

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed that life as a full time football manager was proving more difficult than previously envisioned. “Just look at today where I lay around in a hot pool in brilliant sunshine” said Hall “and all I had to think about was tactics for the run into the semi-final in early February”. Hall said he was so focussed on football that he scarcely noticed the bikini clad women draped around the edges of the pools. “If you’re going to take this job as a football manager seriously you have to be single-minded and use these opportunities to focus on winning the title” said Hall “I consider sitting in a hot pool work not recreation, it’s not something that the casual observer would understand”. Hall said he urged all Rovers players to keep up their usual fitness regime over the summer break “We can’t afford to drop our standards” said Hall “changing our pattern could prove fatal to our championship ambitions”.

Hall Hits Hanmer

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed tonight he was in Hanmer Springs and confirmed he is there undertaking alcohol treatment. “I’m drinking a nice full flavoured beer as we speak” said Hall ‘and I can confirm there is certainly something to this relaxing in a hot pool “. Hall said the beer would probably be a prelude to a Chardonnay or three later on. “I think if you’re going to spend a few nights in Hanmer then you really should undertake the full treatment regime” said Hall “I might even have to have the odd Kahlua for desert and maybe a Baileys”. Hall said he thought he’d never quite get to Hanmer after a rough ride out of Wellington on the Interislander. “If I had any doubt the front of a ferry could become airborne” reported Hall “I can now confirm it makes a loud noise when it crash lands”.

McIntosh Issues Statement

Due to the complete lack of speculation as to his future with the club, Colin McIntosh issued a media statement this afternoon that he would be staying with the Land Rovers club until the end of the season at least. "I know it is the news silly season" said McIntosh "so I expected a bit of media speculation as to what I would be doing going forward, but the complete lack of speculation forced me to make a statement". "The lad still has a useful role in the team and we're keen for him to stay on" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "you can always rely on Col to stick a goal in the net at a vital time in a vital game". Hall said Smith was grabbing the media spotlight with his antics in Britain but said all too often the media forgot the player who didn't set out to splash his picture on the front pages.

Smith Continues Rampage

Charlie Smith is set to continue his one man rampage through British football when he picked up tickets to Pompey's home match against Sheffield United. Smith has been keeping himself entertained watching pub fights "I went out at weekend and got trollied in portsmouth" said Smith "and even saw a blinding fight in the pub right next to me had a ringside seat". Smith is well known for finding brawls entertaining as a Rovers player, but now he has expanded his recreational activities to other peoples fights. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it had been noticeable how the Rovers discipline had improved since Smith left "We're becoming a well drilled disciplined side" said Hall "something totally unknown in the days of Smith and Riddle".

Giving Is Better Than Receiving

After waiting in a thirty minute queue at the Post Office this morning to post a parcel, Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was in a charitable mood today when it came to the rematch against Post-It, first round victors 8-7 over Land Rovers. "My motto is that giving is better than receiving, so we were in no mood to receive goals from Post-It and quite determined to give them a bit of Christmas cheer in the form of hitting the back of their net" said Hall. The game started with both sides testing each other out before Hussey (pictured) eventually broke the deadlock with a well taken drive. Hall made some fine saves in the Rovers goal before Post finally sneaked an equaliser with one that went in off both posts. Hussey immediately replied with another long range drive and from then on Rovers asserted their dominance to eventually lead 5 - 1. Two late consolation goals to Post-It had Rovers steadying the ship but their was never any danger that Post would get back to draw. "That's five in a row and I think we have another cog or two to go yet" said Hall "we were rusty as hell in the pre-season but have steadily improved as the competition has gone on". Hall said after watching Manyoo and Barca play like girls this morning it was a relief to see a form team finally win something.

Final Score: Land Rovers 5 Post-It 3

Barcelona Play Like Manuel

Barcelona joined the New Zealand Knights as a losing side this evening as they were beaten in the World Club Final 1 - 0. Barcelona played like Fawlty Towers waiter Manuel against Internacional and lost to a goal with only minutes left on the clock to lose the title to the Brazillian club. "Let's not talk about the Knights tonight" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "let's talk about Barcelona getting mugged by Pato (pictured) and company". Hall said whilst it was tempting to stay up all night to watch Chelsea and Manyoo respectively, there was a game to play tomorrow for Rovers that would require some beauty sleep first. "My thoughts now turn to beating Post-It in the match tomorrow" said Hall "and I'm installing us as the underdog".

kNIGHTsMARE

Troubled Hyundai A-League franchise the New Zealand Knights travel to Melbourne for the match tonight against runaway leaders Melbourne. The Knights last week had their licence revoked and are now under control of New Zealand football. Due to contractual discussions with the players, the team missed the plane to Melbourne and only nine players were able to make a later flight. The team is being topped up with Australian based players so that the game can go ahead. "This is something of a farce and if the Knights can keep the score to less than 5 - 0 tonight then it will be a morale victory" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "although it is a lesson on how not to manage a football team". After that we've got the World Club final kicking of at 11.30 pm Wellington time. "Watching the Knights and Barcelona in the same evening should provide an interesting contrast" said Hall "but Rovers players will probably learn more from watching Ronaldinho (pictured) and Barcelona than the Knights". A Knights spokesmen who did not want to be identified said there were no immediate plans to tempt Ronaldinho to transfer to the Knights.

Smith Claims Magical Powers

A severely hung over Charlie Smith claimed that his magical powers as a football supporter helped Pompey snatch a vital point from Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium this morning (Shed 1 Time). "We got off to a good start and were two - nil up with a bit of help from my vocal chords" said Smith "but then I did a streak and it seemed to revive the Arse and they got a couple of goals back". Smith also confessed exclusively to this blog that he sneaked down to Scumland during the week to "check out the talent". This is a remarkable confession as every Pompey supporter knows that Southampton 'talent' looks like an overweight Russian body building champion with pimples. "I'll be sending some photos over as a record of my adventures" said Smith "and wish the Rovers all the best for their top of the table clash against Post-It tomorrow". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he felt safer with Smith on the other side of the world adding "I think I've found a new player to replace Smith who will keep a lower profile".

Strikers Surplus For Pompey

Sol Campbell (right) this evening (Shed 1 Time) ruled himself out of playing striker for Pompey against Arsenal early tomorrow local time. Harry Redknapp wasn't available for comment on whether or not he had considered the availability of Charlie Smith (below) for the fixture. Smith at the game on a visit home from New Zealand, was available to play but will now only be able to support his team in the stand. "I heard rumours on the net that on hearing Smith was available" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "Redknapp decided to play a 5 - 5 - 0 formation, figuring no striker was preferable to having Smith up there. Pompey are expected to struggle in the match which is evidently only available for viewing on dodgy Internet sites as it is not being shown in New Zealand on Sky.

In other news, Team Wellington proved how dull football can be with a 0 - 0 draw with bottom placed Waikato. "If we had a tactical plan then it was not obvious to anyone in the stand" said Hall "but Mick decided to take off Peter Halstead which looked close to the strangest substitution in history".

Pompey Desperate - Is Smith The Answer?

Charles Smith was this morning (Shed 1 time) preparing himself for the daunting trip to the Emirates stadium for the Pompey match against The Arse. Pompey Manager Harry Redknapp is reportedly so desperate to find a new striker with Kanu suspect and Cole, Lualua and Mwaruwari all injured, that he has consider playing Sol Campbell up front for this one. Redknapp joked with Kanu that he might have to play first-team coach and former Manchesterr United and Leeds striker Joe Jordan (pictured) to which Kanu replied "Who is Joe?". If Smith is ever to make a career as a professional footballer then now is the hour to volunteer for Portsmouth as a striker. "He's not had a big impact in the goal scoring stakes in Indoor Football with only three goals ever "said Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but he'd surely make some impact in the outdoor game even if it was to damage the Emirates pitch (above left)".

Unable Seaman

Auckland City tonight lost their World Club Championship match 3 - 0 to against Korea Republic's Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors, but Auckland player Paul Seaman (pictured) missed a sitter from right in front of goal. "It was the sort of miss that Charlie Smith might contrive from out in front of goal if Charlie ever found himself in space" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and it is fair to say even I might have had a chance of converting that one". Tomorrow night sees Barcelona in action against Internacional of Brazil after their earlier 4 - 0 win. "Looking forward to the final" said Hall " I might pick up a few pointers for the big game on Monday against Post It. Land Rovers take on Post It in Shed 6 (Shed of Light) and hope to turn the tables on Post It who beat Rovers in the last round.

All The Best Auckland AFC

Land Rovers manager Steve Hall wished Auckland AFC all the best for the clash this evening (11 pm Shed 1 time) against Korea Republic's Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors in the World Club Championship. "The Knights have finally imploded this week and come under New Zealand Football with Ricki Herbert managing" said Hall "so the Auckland AFC game might be the only bright spot in New Zealand football this week besides our own impressive win". Hall said the way things are going many of the Auckland players might soon find themselves playing for the Knights. "There have been only four New Zealand players in the Knights and the results haven't been flash" said Hall "so putting in New Zealand players isn't going to make things any worse on the field, but will ultimately develop local players to a higher standard". Hall hoped the name the Knights would change as well. "I was thinking Rovers has a better ring to it". said Hall.

Gosport Quiet - though Anfield might not be

The arrival of Charlie Smith in Gosport has so far failed to cause the expected riots, and Smith says he has yet to run into a Southampton supporter. "I ran into more scummers in New Zealand than I would in a life time here in Gosport" said Smith "although that might have something to do with scummers having a low life expectancy in this part of the world". Smith had considered inviting ex Rovers player and current Rovers advisor Chris Riddle over to Gosport from his South Auckland getto, but realised that a 'bovver boy' like Riddle would be unlikely to get much past the outskirts of town. "In New Zealand Scummers are tolerated" said Smith "but over here we don't much care for them as political correctness toward loving the supporters of rival clubs just doesn't exist". Smith's travel to Anfield for the Pompey versus Liverpool match should be made more interesting as he has had some 'advance publicity' on a Liverpool fan site. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he expected Smith would have a warm welcome if he went anywhere near The Kop.

Rossiter To Leave At End Of The Season

Land Rovers Chairman Dean Rossiter confirmed that he would be staying on until the end of the current season, but had longer term aims to leave the glorious Wellington weather behind him. "When I heard that Charlie Smith was moving to Perth, I thought the idea of moving to Oz had appeal" said Rossiter "but obviously I wanted to stay well clear of Charlie so I'll be in Brisbane which should be just far enough away". Rossiter said the club had moved from strength to strength under his stewardship and it now looked like bowing out with a second championship win was a distinct possibility. "I think we've built a squad that could take us into Division 6" said Rossiter "and I'll watch with interest as I recline on the beach in Queensland to see what happens next". Rossiter said that whilst there was appeal in staying on in Wellington as Chairman as Rovers, after difficult deliberations the sunny climate and relaxed lifestyle of Queensland had won the day by the narrowest of margins.

Good Morning Gosport

Charles Smith was settling in to the 'English Riviera" this morning (Shed 1 Time) with the news that yet another book was being released on the infamous 657 gang. "I don't know if Charlie was ever in the 657 group" said Land Rover Manager Steve Hall "but he sure seems to get a bit agitated on the field at times especially with referees, so there is a hint of the hooligan element there". Pompey are currently third in the Premiership so Smith is certainly in for a good six weeks of matches as he follows Pompey to Anfield and Emirates Stadium. "We're looking forward to the photos coming through" said Hall "as after seeing Charlie at the Rugby League test I can only imagine what he'd be like at a Pompey match". Smith was unavailable for comment.

Rovers Repulse Intergen

In what was as good a performance as any previously played by Rovers, five man Rovers ran riot over title pretenders Intergen.Net this morning at the Shed of Dreams. "I was a bit worried when our sixth man Andy 'fair weather' Auer didn't turn up as expected" said Hall "but the five courageous players who did put up a superb effort and left the Intergen boys a bit shell shocked". Hall said it was a close affair early on with Intergen scoring first from a long range pot shot, but Rovers stuck to their work and had a handy 6 - 1 lead at half time. "Everyone contributed to this result and Lance Edwards (pictured) is coming on in leaps and bounds" said Hall "he even stuck a few in the net in the pre-match warm up and got within twenty feet during the match". White, Hussey, Hall and McIntosh all scored at least a couple, with White again demonstrating the effectiveness of his runs from deep. "The score makes it sound like an easy game but it was anything but" said Hall "this one is the result of hard graft and good team work, the boys can be proud".

In other news, Charlie Smith arrived in Gosport, England knowing Pompey had done the business over the weekend. "I'm sure even I'd have scored for Rovers in that match" said Smith, although others pondered whether Smith being on the other side of the world had aided the Rovers cause.

Final Score: Land Rovers 12 Intergen.Net 3

Well Done Auckland City

Auckland City AFC went down 2 - 0 this morning in the World Club Championship to Al Ahly at the Toyota Stadium in Japan but put up a very creditable performance. "For my money they looked better than the Knights who played their A League game immediately before and drew 1 - 1" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and it would be interesting to see what happened if they played the Knights". Hall said it was unfortunate that Bryan Little (pictured) didn't make the team but he might get a run in the next match on Friday. Hall said it was a late night however with a key Rovers fixture tomorrow. "I might have to flag the Chelsea match as it is only three hours away and I need to sleep" said Hall "Rovers play rivals Intergen tomorrow and it will be a tough match". Rovers kick off at 11 am in the Shed of Dreams.

Big In Japan

The whirlwind visit of Charles Smith to Tokyo was certainly not the only event of interest in Japan today as Auckland City prepare for their World Club Championship match this evening. Smith went almost unnoticed as a glittering array of football talent entered the country, and not surprisingly he was not mistaken for Ronaldiniho by the Japanese press. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said the Rovers club gave Auckland City best wishes and Hall said he would be watching the match against African and Egyptian Champions Al Ahly (kick off 11 pm Shed 1 time). "I know it is a Jafa team playing and I wouldn't normally follow them" said Hall "but former Team Wellington player Bryan Little is in the team so I'll lend my our support for this one". Hall said with the Knights playing Adelaide and Team Wellington taking on Waitakere it would be a busy day for local football followers. "Hopefully we'll get two out of three results" said Hall " but I don't fancy the Knights chances to be honest and none of the teams I'm supporting will be starting favourites".

Smith Gives Hickey Advice

Charles Smith failed to leave the country quietly when he ran into Noah Hickey at Auckland International Airport this morning and gave Hickey some advice on the finer points of the game. Smith waiting for his plane to Japan, did not miss the opportunity to pass on his footballing experience to the Knights "striker" who has the knack of not finding the net with the Knights this season. "I gave him a bit of advice based on my last goal" said Smith "that you won't score unless you shoot and if he pulls finger he might still score another goal before the season ends". The Knights off to Adelaide to play against Romario were grateful for Smith's insights and thanked him before boarding their plane. Smith has a stop over in Tokyo and will watch video of the J League to see if there are any perspective Rovers prospects in the league. "If the Knights can import Chinese players" said Smith "I guess we can import Japanese players".

Fatu Downplays Sex Symbol Status

Mark Fatu this morning confirmed his status as a sex symbol was hurting his ambitions to be taken seriously as a Hollywood producer. "It is all very flattering having a huge entourage of female fans" said Fatu "but I am serious about my film and television career and I think you'll see through my blog At Home With The Beast that I have that creative x factor that possibly only Peter Jackson can come close to". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he needed Fatu to do his talking on the pitch as he was in danger of being distracted by the glamour of film and television. "My sister is a television producer and director and has won a few media awards with her company Jam TV"said Hall "so if Fatu can score a hat-trick next week I'll have a quiet word and see if we can get him on Intrepid Journeys".

Smith Off

Charlie Smith was set to push off to the UK for a six week excursion tomorrow that will take in Pompey games at Anfield, Emerates Stadium and of course Fratton Park. "I'm looking forward to the trip but especially the opportunity to see Pompey stuff Spurs, always one of the highlights of the Premiership season" said Smith "and when I come back I have to make immediate plans to depart for sunny Perth". Smith said he expected to sneak in another game or two for Rovers before setting up a Rovers franchise in Western Australia. "I'm lucky that the manager has sold me the Western Australian Rovers franchise for $10000" said Smith "I always wanted to run a successful team". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it would be quiet without Smith. "It will be like ripping out a page in Rovers history" said Hall "the biggest event since Chris Riddle moved to the South Auckland waste lands".

Elton In Town

Former Watford Chairman Elton John played a concert in Wellington last night in perfect conditions before a crowd of 35000. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed that he attended the event hoping to have a word to Elton about a cash injection into the Land Rovers Football Club. "Obviously if we're to achieve our aim to be the best in Wellington by 2030, we're going to need to either improve the skills of our current squad by throwing cash at them or we'll need some new players" said Hall "and right now in my current state of employment the throwing cash at it is the favoured option". Hall said he was sure the team would train harder if they were all able to turn professional and work at it full time. "I'm noticing the benefits of being outside on a beautiful day already" said Hall "and I think with a bit of Elton's cash I could become quite accustomed to the lifestyle".

Exclusive: Warne At It Again

Shane Warne was caught at it again this evening and the "it" was dismissing English batsmen in the 2nd test of the Ashes series at Adelaide. Land Rovers "utility" Charlie Smith was in despair this evening as the Poms collapsed in the face of a spin bowling legend Warne. Smith just three days off returning to the United Kingdom for six weeks said the only redeeming feature was that he wasn't moving to Australia until late February, and could at least spend his misery with like minded company. "At times like this one needs to be with family as they know the hurt I am going through" said Smith "and I can only hope by the time I get to Oz that England will have made a remarkable turn around and won the series". Smith would not be drawn on how much he would be betting on that outcome but the odds were understood to be "highly attractive" down at the TAB.

White Magic

Ben White today single handedly rescued Land Rovers from a defeat to bottom placed Provoke Evolution. Land Rovers starting line dwindled to four players as three late withdrawals saw the team struggling for numbers. "We finally drafted in our first girl when John Cao's other half dropped by to watch the match" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but they'd already both played a game so fitness was always going to be a telling factor in this one". Rovers took a while to get the combination together and went promptly 3 - 0 down. The fight back didn't look likely until a goal just before half time gave Rovers a sniff. Early in the second half Rovers pulled one back but it looked all over when Promote Evolution scored again. "Then Ben put his foot down hard on the accelerator when everyone else was dead" said Hall "and he went forward and just took them to pieces with some great goals". One of the great escapes and should leave Rovers top of the table for another week.

Final Score: Rovers 7 Provoke Evolution 6

Pollock Perturbed

Land Rovers Supporters Club President Liz Pollock today confessed to being perturbed at hearing the result this weekend from her other great love Tottenham Hotspurs. Spurs took on arch rivals Arsenal at the Emirates stadium in front of 60,115 people and were soundly thrashed by a rampant Arsenal side. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he had tried to get on the phone to console Pollock but she was understood not to be taking calls. "I know this is a blow to Liz and but as we no longer work at the same office" said Hall "I won't be able to offer her those few words on encouragement tomorrow that she'd normally expect". Fortunately it was expected that Charlie Smith would fill the void as his own Pompey team managed a draw.

Land Rovers play again tomorrow in Shed 6 and hope to stay on the winning trail.

Rossiter Rules Out Rovers Restructure

Land Rovers Chairman Dean Rossiter today confirmed that there were no immediate plans for Land Rovers to restructure in the wake of the Chairman and Manager ending their association Land Information New Zealand. "The majority of the players remain in LINZ employment and current sponsorship deals will probably see that LINZ connection remain until the end of the season". Rossiter said there certainly was interest from other sectors and it might well be that further down the track that Rovers would move away from the Land brand. "Let's face it, we're not above becoming Toyota Rovers if the money is right" said Rossiter. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall agreed with Rossiter "Why mess with success at this point" said Hall "when a restructure will almost inevitably create more issues than it resolves".

Hall Winds Up Day Job

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall today dispensed with the hassle of working during the day when he finished his twenty-two year career as a Public Servant. "As a full time football manager I'll have the chance to review all the tapes of the weekend Premier League, Spanish League and A League games, and work on strategies to get Charlie to play like Ronaldiniho" said Hall "so you can see it will be an immense challenge". Hall said he's had a good run with his current day job but a third restructure in three years finally got him. "There's a thirst these days for bringing in new people" said Hall "and the concept of the learning organisation is to get new recruits or consultants to come in and spend six months to learn what your experienced people already knew". Hall said he'd had the pleasure of working with some excellent people and he could have few complaints about the opportunities he'd had over the last nine years with his current employer. "I got a bit emotional yesterday for around fifteen seconds" said Hall "but then I pulled myself together and realised that I've got to remain strong if Rovers are to win Division 7 again".

Hall also confirmed he would be staying on as the Communications Manager for Mark "The Beast" Fatu, who potentially has a promising future in the film and television industry. Hall said the latest idea for a science fiction series Battlestar Spud might just be the breakthrough concept that the market was looking for. "I believe The Beast is going places with some of these ideas he is coming up with" said Hall "and I think it is a matter of time before he hits the jackpot and makes squillions".

Hall Rejected

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was rejected as the next New Zealand Knights Manager today as his track record of success did not fit well with Corporate intent of the struggling A League club. "Apparently I heard they were quite concerned I'd come in and make a success of the team" said Hall "and that would reflect badly on everyone who has been associated with the current losing culture". Hall said he had worked in less than optimum working conditions before so thought he could readily adapt to losing if that was what the club required. "I must admit I prefer to be part of a winning team" said Hall "but I'm readily adaptable and if the Knights wanted consistently bad performances then I'm sure I could learn how to hire the wrong people, completely destroy team morale and ensure there was no planning for success". Hall thought on current form it would be worth the Knights dispensing with a team manager as clearly they "couldn't do much worse" and perhaps "no leadership was worth a try". Hall takes up full time football management on Monday.

Top Rovers Performance

Land Rovers faced stiff opposition today when they took on unbeaten Ten Left Feet at the Shed of Dreams. Ten Left Feet had been on a prolific scoring blitz in their previous two matches knocking in an amazing twenty nine goals. "Being the master tactician that I am" said Hall "I decided we'd better start with a reasonably defensive line up and look to hit them on the break". The game remained at 0 - 0 for almost the whole first half with Rovers finally breaking the deadlock just before half time. Early in the second half Rovers pulled away to a three goal lead before being pegged back to 3 -2. Another goal apiece made it tense at 4 -3 before another goal saw Rovers out to a two goal lead with two minutes to go. "We never looked like losing that lead in those last minutes" said Hall "and all the boys played well today". Charlie Smith (pictured) got an elbow in the face and spilled a bit of claret before having a free kick awarded against him. "You can't attack the opponents elbow with your face like that" said the referee "and that blood you're spilling on the floor might lead to a red card". Smith declined to scream abuse at the referee as he couldn't quite work out what fantasy land he was living in.

Final Score: Land Rovers 5 Ten Left Feet 3

Hall Names Strong Line Up

Caretaker Manager Steve Hall today named six of the seven players who played in last seasons final against Matt Is Mad for the match tomorrow against Ten Left Feet. Only Mystery Matt (pictured) will be missing from the line up being replaced by new boy John Cao. "We're holding back Mystery Matt (pictured) for the semi-final round but we're expecting big things of John tomorrow" said Hall "although if his feet move as fast as those of Mystery Matt he might well consider a career further afield in professional football". Hall confirmed that Rovers weren't that worried about finishing first in the round robin provided they qualified for the top four. "A team needs to peak at semi-final time and declaring the full hand too early is a mistake" said Hall "however we're also mindful of not getting walloped by these left footed guys so it is a balancing act".

Smith Agony

Charlie Smith was today reeling from a double shock as his beloved Pompey went down to the Toons 1 - 0 at St James' Park, while over in Brisbane the Poms were soundly thrashed by a geriatric Australian cricket team. "It's not my week" said Smith "I'll probably be dropped from the Rovers side now to play Ten Left Feet on Wednesday". Land Rovers Caretaker Manager Steve Hall said if Smith thought he had it tough, he should view the recent form of Port Vale as the plummet towards Division 2. "It's bad enough when you're about to be made unemployed and your favourite English club is on a suicidal run to relegation" said Hall "but someone up there is really rubbing it in when local rivals Sjoke City are on a four game winning streak". Hall said Smith should pull it together as it would be far worse when he was actually at Fratton Park to watch Pompey lose to Spurs.

Hall To Go Full Time

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed today that he would be a full time football manager by the end of the week. "My day job has been restructured and after this Friday I will be left as Caretaker Manager of Rovers and Manager of North Wellington Masters". Hall said neither of the jobs paid anything and in fact the Rovers job cost him money when team members didn't pay their fees. Hall said adjusting to unemployment would be difficult but whilst there was the positive aspect of more time to pursue personal interests, the down side of having no food to eat and nowhere to live could possibly take the edge of the experience. "I've had twenty one years uninterrupted employment" said Hall "so those little things you take for granted like a roof over your head have always been there until now". Hall said he would be approaching the New Zealand Knights (pictured) about their vacant management position but expected his recent employment in Information Technology might count against him as the Knights performances were more wooden than robotic.

Confucius Strikes Back

Confucius today was asked to respond to comments from Charlie Smith that had a hint of being plagarised. "Even the greatest of whales is helpless in desert" said Smith "and that reminds me of Mr Hall in front of goal last week, a helpless whale and a desert of goals". Confucius responded that Smith should come up with his own material and added "that if Pompey dream of winning the league they have no chance". Caretaker Manager Hall said he wasn't interested in getting involved in a slanging match with a famous Chinese thinker and philosopher.

Poster Boy Back

Land Rovers Poster Boy Eddie Hussey has made a surprise early return to the Rovers line up for the match against Ten Left Feet. Hussey previously thought unavailable for several weeks has announced his availability for the next match at the Shed of Dreams. "We'll need a strong line up for this match against high flying Ten Left Feet" said Caretaker Manager Steve Hall "as although we beat them in our last encounter they have been going very well having scored 29 goals in their first two matches". Hall said sorting the defence out was the first priority and the pairing of Hussey with White would most likely be the starting line up. "We'll need a strong team out for this one" said Hall "although I might resist calling in Mystery Matt this early in the competition".

Statistical Anomily

Caretaker Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) this afternoon congratulated Toitu Te Whenua Manager Dale O'Brien on their first ever win in the league. "They've come a long way since we gave them a bit of a thrashing a few weeks back" said Hall "and dispatched Statistics in a rematch by an amazing 10 goals to 2". Hall said he would be keeping an eye on the Toitu squad in case anyone was able to step up to Division 7 standard. "It's good to see the Toitu boys finding their feet at last in Division 9" confessed Hall "but there is a big gulf to close between them and Division 7". Hall said he would be leaving his current day job at the end of next week which would free him up to scout other teams for potential recruits. "I'm about to become a full time football manager" said Hall "if only it paid well in Division 7".

Smith Thinks He Is Confucius

Charles Smith this morning confessed that he had been learning the thinking and sayings of Confuscious for the last two weeks. "I think it is broadening my horizons learning about Confucius" said Smith "but it is also changing my personality and appearance". Land Rovers Caretaker Manager Steve Hall said this sort of problem was not unknown with deep thinking types, but it was almost never seen in people like Charlie. "If he keeps this up" said Hall "there's a danger he'll be mistaken for a wise man and they'll listen to his advice on anything from football to setting life goals". Smith though had the last word "Man with forked tongue does not need chopsticks".

Lundberg Denies Management Aspirations

Retired Land Rovers player Paul Lundberg denied this evening that he had ambitions to take over as Land Rovers Manager. Lundberg had a short and unmemorable career as a Land Rovers player but has nonetheless been linked with the Rovers Management role through his golfing association with Charlie "Tiger" Smith. "I'd like to say the fact I hang round a lot with Charlie is not evidence of a management ambition" said Lundberg "it is more evidence that we both like a stroll round the golf course during the late afternoon". Land Rovers Chairman Dean Rossiter said Lundberg was "not in the frame" for the role of manager but would not disclose if the club was in discussions with Alan Ball who is rumoured to be interested in a New Zealand based role.

Take The Long Way Home

Land Rovers today got back into winning form but took the long way home against Brookers at the Shed of Dreams. Rovers stuttered along for most of the match without anyone really playing to their best form, even Ben White (pictured) had a quiet game. Rovers were never in danger against a Brookers team that was very loose at the back. "We never got into our stride in this one and I know I missed a dozen chances I might have normally put in the goal" said Hall "it was almost as if we had too much time and room". The first goal however was a pearler with Charlie Smith blasting one into the far corner from wide on the right. "I've got to say Charlie doesn't score very often" said Hall "but when he does they are often goals to remember". Rovers will have to find some form if the top teams are going to be worried later in the championship. "Fortunately it is only about making top four at this stage and we have a long way to go" said Hall "but we're not yet close to our finals winning form".

Final Score: Rovers 8 Brookers 2