Smith Surfaces In Dublin

Charlie Smith today surfaced in Dublin after his attempts to lie low in the English Midlands were thwarted by the poor quality of the midlands beverages. "I had a few beers in Birmingham and frankly the resultant hangover left me feeling like a Guniness" said Smith "so I said to the Mrs why don't we pop over to Dublin for a real drop". Smith was certainly in his element once on a pub crawl of Dublin and it can only be something of a surprise to find he intends to head to Liverpool for the weekend. "Dublin certainly suits my style" said Smith "but unfortunately they don't have a team in the Premiership so I'll have to stick with Pompey".

White says "We're Just Good Friends"

With Charlie Smith safely in the UK, Ben White today announced that he and Charlie were just good friends. "I can imagine there are scurrilous rumours going around about how Charlie and I have formed a close defensive unit" said White "but I can assure you it doesn't go beyond that". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he didn't pry into the private affairs of his squad and had hitherto been unaware of the rumours White was referring to. "I guess with Charlie in England there is always the possibility that the gutter press will become involved in Charlie's activities" said Hall "but if Charlie says he sleeps on the sofa then that's good enough for me". Hall said White, Smith and Hussey had formed a close bond as a unit and had built an 'understanding' that opposition players found hard to crack.

Beckham Move Unlikely

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he wasn't considering a move from David Beckham to Land Rovers as he didn't see a place for him in the Rovers squad. "David could no doubt play wide out on the right, except on an indoor pitch wide out in the right would be outside the side boards" quipped Hall "and then there is the small matter of whether or not a whip round would pay his wages". Hall said he'd be prepared to exchange Charlie Smith for Beckham providing Real Madrid threw in a couple of shirts, although Smith has reportedly said he would only transfer to Pompey in the Premiership. "We've got a sex symbol in Mark Fatu already" reported Hall "I can see it getting complicated if we hired another".

Smith Lying Low

The seemingly magical impact of Charlie Smith on the Portsmouth football team came to an end when Bolton beat Portsmouth to send them down the table. Portsmouth had had a dream run whilst Smith was on English soil but are now sliding down the table as most expected they would. "They haven't quite done an Aston Vila yet" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but at least my pre-season prediction that Villa would struggle is finally starting to happen". Smith has not been in contact in recent days and was believed to be hiding in the English midlands. "We know he has tickets to the game at Anfield so we want that photo of him at the ground to prove he was there".

Steep Learning Curve

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confessed today that his first year a Land Rovers Manager had been a steep learning curve. "I expected to win the championship in the first season but we didn't win until the second" said Hall "it was a little like climbing Baldwin Street (pictured) in Dunedin, not quite as easy as you think when you set out". Hall wished the players, management and worldwide fan base a happy new year and said he was gradually adjusting to full time football management. "It is certainly possible I'll be looking for a day job this year" said Hall "as so far football management has consistently failed to pay my mortgage". Hall was back in Wellington after another bumpy ride on the Interisland ferry. "I thought football management had its ups and downs, but that ferry last night had more ups and downs than West Ham in recent years"

Happy New Year

Land Rovers Chairman Dean Rossiter this morning wished all associated with Land Rovers football club a happy new year. "We've got one championship under our belts in 2006 and I think we've got things going pretty well to defend the title" said Rossiter "it's been a matter of getting the right mix of youth and experience, and we've found that having no youth is about the right mix". Rossiter said he could see New Zealand as a whole was heading places this year, which was one of the reasons he'd be leaving the country. "Let's face it global warming hasn't reached Wellington yet so I'm off to Brisbane to look for further evidence of this warming trend" confirmed Rossiter. Rossiter believed the only down side to Australia would be that Charlie Smith would be at the other end of the same continent. Smith was unavailable for comment due to Pompey getting stuffed by Bolton in a Premier League match overnight.

Fatu Transfer Interest

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he expected interest from new Knights coach Rikki Herbert during the January transfer window. Hall said he was unlikely himself to buy anyone in for Rovers but he understood Herbert was taking a good look at Mark Fatu to boost the crowds at Mount Smart. "Miraculously the Knights had a 3-1 win the other day" said Hall "and apparently Herbert thinks Fatu would have the pulling power to boost attendance for the Knights". Hall said Herbert was not considering Fatu for the starting line up, rather he would walk up and down in front of the main stand winking at the female supporters.

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said tonight he would welcome in the new year quietly on Caroline Bay in Timaru, along with several thousand other people and $12000 worth of pyrotechnics. "You could say it will be an explosive start to the year" said Hall "and an explosive start is exactly what Rovers will be needing if we're to go on and defend the championship"

House Hunting

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today that part of his mission in Dunedin was to look for a house that would confirm his status as a top line football manager. "I look around at my peers, the likes of Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho, and I don't see them living in the cramped quarters of my Wellington residence" protested Hall "so I had a look around and I found a suitable place out on the Otago Peninsula that should keep me in the style to which I will become accustomed". Hall said that he'd need a whip round of club players and supporters to be able to afford the residence as he was not quite earning the salary at present of Ferguson or Murinho. "We don't have the foreign backing yet of Chelsea or Manchester United" said Hall "so my salary isn't currently what it could be".

University Challenge

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was visiting Otago University today to see if he could drum up any interest from the academics on studying high performance athletes. "I was hoping we'd be able to get them to invest some cash in how to get more out of Charlie Smith" said Hall "but apparently they are more interested in athletes that have represented their country and Smith has yet to make his debut for England". Hall said the funding situation made it difficult for football as the funding agency SPARC only funded minority sports. "If you made up a game and became world champion at it" said Hall "SPARC would give you plenty of cash, but they have little or no interest in the wrold number one sport". Hall said it would be a challenge to get Otago interested in studying Smith although the psychology department was always a possibility to help Smith with his on field discipline.

Smith Visits Mecca

Charlie Smith sent through a photo this morning of his visit to Mecca, otherwise known as Fratton Park. "It wouldn't be right if I hadn't visited Fratton Park during the season when Pompey are doing so well" said Smith "I know most Rovers players hold the Shed of Dreams as a religious shrine which it is for the indoor game, but there is something special about Fratton Park for the outdoor game". Land Rovers manager Steve Hall said whilst he wouldn't pass up an offer of an all expenses paid trip to Fratton Park, he would have to content himself with a visit to Culling Park, home of his former club Dunedin Technical. "Looks like this week is about people visiting their spiritual homes" said Hall "and sitting here in North Dunedin this morning is almost perfect except for the fact they don't have Sky Sport 2 in this apartment".

Hall Scouting In Dunedin

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this evening that he was spending a few days in Dunedin scouting for talent. "This is my old stomping ground" said Hall "and my first port of call was my old university hostel Knox College (pictured) where I once played for the Knox Invincible Superstars, also known as KISS United". Hall said it was his success there in winning the championship that put him on the road to his successful managerial career. "I learnt
a lot from that campaign" said Hall "that you can still be a winning team without any discernible leadership". Hall said it was good to see the old hostel which hadn't changed much since his days there. "It still looks like an old castle really" said Hall "and as this is Dunedin it is constantly raining as you'd expect"

Smith Helping Pompey

Charlie Smith appears to be having some impact on the performance of Portsmouth Football Club since his arrival on the scene for his northern hemisphere holiday. Pompey have again registered a win with a 2 - 1 win over Portsmouth leaving Smith to claim he is helping the cause with is presence in the country. "Looks like I might have to stay on after the six weeks the way things are going" chortled Smith "I seem to be having the same impact on Pompey I had on Rovers". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Smith was overplaying his role in the success of the teams he was associated with "We haven't quite forgotten his performance in goal against Infinity when he was glued to the spot as six goals flew in our net" said Hall "so I'm sure Pompey won't be giving him too much credit right now".

Smith in Igloo Doghouse for Christmas

Charlie Smith was last night sleeping in a snow encrusted English doghouse after news of his escapades reached the international media via this blog. "Yeah the story about the one room flat didn't go down all that well with the Mrs" confessed Smith "and for a while there it was like that film Mr and Mrs Smith, until I beat a tactical retreat to the doghouse". Smith said Christmas wasn't all that bad as Pompey were doing alright with his extra support and he spent many happy hours in the doghouse dreaming about European football next season. "I managed to sneak out to the hard rock cafe to thaw out" said Smith "the corgi resident in the dog house was starting to take liberties and I needed a break". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was unfortunate that Smith was in such a predicament and he'd take time out from his sun lounger to send Smith a sympathy e mail next week. Hall wished all Rovers players and supporters a very Merry Christmas.

Smith "It Must Be Christmas"

Pompey got three home points this morning to stay in the top four Champions League slots. Charlie Smith in attendance at Fratton Park but it was his visit to London that was keeping the local press interested in his activities. "Went up to London to meet up with some old workmates and this girl I know let me stay in her one bedroom flat" confessed Smith "so as you'd expect I ended up getting very drunk and met a bloke from Brisbane, one from Melbourne and a guy from Wanganui" Smith said he drank a lot of champagne and went back to the one bedroom flat. "I slept on the sofa all night" claims Smith "and in the morning got up and let myself out". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Smith might be doing a lot more sleeping on the sofa after his story hit the international media.

Smith Chats Up Seaman

Charlie Smith's rampage through England took on greater significance when he met former England goalkeeper David Seaman in Harrods coffee bar. "I spent the whole day trooping round the shops and sights of London with the wife and a massive hangover" informed Smith "I decided to go the Harrods coffee bar while the Mrs shopped, and I was sitting there minding my own business and this tall guy sat down next to me". Smith instantly failed to recognise the stranger who asked him if there was anyone sitting next to him. "After a while I realised it was David Seaman with a clean shave and no pony tail" said Smith "so we had a chat and he said he'd look up the Rovers site". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Smith talking to seaman in a bar was about par for the course for a Pompey supporter.

Harder Than It Looks

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed that life as a full time football manager was proving more difficult than previously envisioned. “Just look at today where I lay around in a hot pool in brilliant sunshine” said Hall “and all I had to think about was tactics for the run into the semi-final in early February”. Hall said he was so focussed on football that he scarcely noticed the bikini clad women draped around the edges of the pools. “If you’re going to take this job as a football manager seriously you have to be single-minded and use these opportunities to focus on winning the title” said Hall “I consider sitting in a hot pool work not recreation, it’s not something that the casual observer would understand”. Hall said he urged all Rovers players to keep up their usual fitness regime over the summer break “We can’t afford to drop our standards” said Hall “changing our pattern could prove fatal to our championship ambitions”.

Hall Hits Hanmer

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed tonight he was in Hanmer Springs and confirmed he is there undertaking alcohol treatment. “I’m drinking a nice full flavoured beer as we speak” said Hall ‘and I can confirm there is certainly something to this relaxing in a hot pool “. Hall said the beer would probably be a prelude to a Chardonnay or three later on. “I think if you’re going to spend a few nights in Hanmer then you really should undertake the full treatment regime” said Hall “I might even have to have the odd Kahlua for desert and maybe a Baileys”. Hall said he thought he’d never quite get to Hanmer after a rough ride out of Wellington on the Interislander. “If I had any doubt the front of a ferry could become airborne” reported Hall “I can now confirm it makes a loud noise when it crash lands”.

McIntosh Issues Statement

Due to the complete lack of speculation as to his future with the club, Colin McIntosh issued a media statement this afternoon that he would be staying with the Land Rovers club until the end of the season at least. "I know it is the news silly season" said McIntosh "so I expected a bit of media speculation as to what I would be doing going forward, but the complete lack of speculation forced me to make a statement". "The lad still has a useful role in the team and we're keen for him to stay on" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "you can always rely on Col to stick a goal in the net at a vital time in a vital game". Hall said Smith was grabbing the media spotlight with his antics in Britain but said all too often the media forgot the player who didn't set out to splash his picture on the front pages.

Smith Continues Rampage

Charlie Smith is set to continue his one man rampage through British football when he picked up tickets to Pompey's home match against Sheffield United. Smith has been keeping himself entertained watching pub fights "I went out at weekend and got trollied in portsmouth" said Smith "and even saw a blinding fight in the pub right next to me had a ringside seat". Smith is well known for finding brawls entertaining as a Rovers player, but now he has expanded his recreational activities to other peoples fights. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it had been noticeable how the Rovers discipline had improved since Smith left "We're becoming a well drilled disciplined side" said Hall "something totally unknown in the days of Smith and Riddle".

Giving Is Better Than Receiving

After waiting in a thirty minute queue at the Post Office this morning to post a parcel, Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was in a charitable mood today when it came to the rematch against Post-It, first round victors 8-7 over Land Rovers. "My motto is that giving is better than receiving, so we were in no mood to receive goals from Post-It and quite determined to give them a bit of Christmas cheer in the form of hitting the back of their net" said Hall. The game started with both sides testing each other out before Hussey (pictured) eventually broke the deadlock with a well taken drive. Hall made some fine saves in the Rovers goal before Post finally sneaked an equaliser with one that went in off both posts. Hussey immediately replied with another long range drive and from then on Rovers asserted their dominance to eventually lead 5 - 1. Two late consolation goals to Post-It had Rovers steadying the ship but their was never any danger that Post would get back to draw. "That's five in a row and I think we have another cog or two to go yet" said Hall "we were rusty as hell in the pre-season but have steadily improved as the competition has gone on". Hall said after watching Manyoo and Barca play like girls this morning it was a relief to see a form team finally win something.

Final Score: Land Rovers 5 Post-It 3