We're On The Move

Rovers are on the move to the new Zephyr Rovers site - please come on over and see the story continue.

http://www.zephyrfc.blogspot.com/

Rovers Take Over Complete

Local Tycoon George Nash (pictured) moved in today to take over a restructured Rovers and appoint himself as commercial manager. "We've seen the potential in Land Rovers as a brand and we've moved in to take it over" said Nash "and we're rebranding the club to Zephyr Rovers and moving away from the emerald to a beautiful silver and black". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said things changed and with founding members Riddle and Smith now gone, it was time for a fresh look to take the club forward to achieve its goals of being the best indoor club in Wellington by June 2030. "We're looking forward to working with George and it will mean the transfer to a new blog site" said Hall.

Smith Leaves New Zealand

Charles Smith said farewell to Land Rovers, Wellington and New Zealand today when he went through with is long promised move to Perth in Western Australia. "Charlie has been one of the great characters of the game" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "he's certainly got the personality to go far and Perth certainly fits the bill for going far away". Hall said it would be very quiet now founding Rovers Charlie Smith and Chris Riddle had both left town. "You've got to wonder how a Pompey supporter and a scummer ever got together to form an indoor football club" said Hall "but these boys had that something special that you can't train into new recruits, in fact most coaches try to train it out of you". Hall said Smith and Riddle were part of the history of the Rovers club and people would still be talking about the both of them for a least a few days yet.

Back To Back CHAMPIONS

Land Rovers today demolished Ten Left Feet at the Shed of Dreams to successfully defend the Division 7 Championship. "We got on top early and never really looked threatened" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "I thought all the team played well and everyone had a part to play in turning around the 10 - 1 loss to the same team three weeks ago". Hall said Rovers was a different team than the one that took a hiding in Shed 6, and the loss had provided plenty of motivation for Rovers to get one back over the Ten Left Feet side. "We were solid at the back and that provided the platform to go forward" said Hall "Col was quite outstanding today, new boy Scott showed some nice touches, and Eddie, Ben and John were very solid". Hall said though the key was team work and there had been some excellent passing and movement off the ball. "I think they were turned one way and the other and some of the interplay was really good" said Hall "and not to mention I was pretty useful in goal as well". Rovers look set to continue but might be looking for the challenge of a higher league. "No one has forgotten the vision" said Hall "although George clearly had blurry vision when he took that photo (above)".

Final Score: Rovers 14 Ten Left Feet 5

It's All On

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was do or die tomorrow against Ten Left Feet at the Shed of Dreams. "Look like we've lost Andy Auer now as well so we're really up against it" said Hall "this puts Ten Left Feet in as hot favourites and we'll be struggling to hold on". Hall said he was working on a plan though to tilt the scales slightly in favour of Land Rovers to give the team a fighting chance. "These guys thrashed us 10 - 1 only three weeks ago so it will take a miracle to turn the tables tomorrow" said Hall "but I've been praying most of the day and so I'm sure that will be worth a goal or two". Hall said Rovers had the big match experience form playing Infinity last season, and Infinity was probably a better team than Ten Left Feet. "There's no doubt these left footers are a good side and we'll have to hold them early to have any chance" said Hall "but you go into these games to win and we're looking to do that". A large crowd was expected for the match although ticket sales had been described as slow.

Lessons Learnt

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) said he'd learnt a bit from watching weekend sport. Hall said he'd learnt from the Australian Cricket team that a top performing team could go down the gurgler, and yet he'd learnt from the Melbourne Victory that a top performing team could also hand out a thrashing. "I think there is something to be learnt from these performances and that is it is better to be a winner than a loser" said Hall "although after watching the awful Team Wellington win yesterday, one could be forgiven for thinking that you can sometimes win and still be dreadful". Hall said he was looking to model the Rovers final performance on the crushing Melbourne Victory performance. "I think if we go out and knock six goals in their net early on, we'll be in with a good chance". Hall confirmed media speculation that Rovers were looking for a new sponsor. "We've had some promising discussions with Zephyr Consulting and we hope to announce a deal shortly".

Mystery Matt Breaks Toe

Three days out from the final against Ten Left Feet, star striker Mystery Matt has broken his toe in an outdoor five a side game. "The lad is quite keen on the game but he was out training against orders" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "and now he'll be out until after the final". Hall said Rovers were underdogs for the final anyway so this would certainly make Ten Left Feet favourite with the bookmakers. "I'm looking at our options after this news" said Hall "but I haven't yet contemplated bringing Charlie Smith back as our strike force as he lacks the agility of Mystery Matt". Hall said he had a few tricks up his sleeve yet and was in talks with several quality players about stepping up for the Rovers. "We've been talking to Zephyr about a potential sponsorship for next season and strengthening the squad has been one of the items that we've considered" said Hall "it might just have to happen sooner rather than later".

Could Have Been The Whiskey

The send off for Charles Smith proved to be a quiet affair with only thirty or forty handles being consumed by Smith. "I don't think he really got into his stride" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "I didn't see him dancing at any point and at no time did he stand on the table or remove items of clothing". Smith may well have been saving himself for his arrival in Perth, where he already had legendary status due to his contributions to the Pompey supporters blog. "It was good to know they had enough Pompey supporters in Perth to have a club" said Smith "but I had a good night last night and didn't run into a single scummer all evening". Smith said Wellington would miss is charisma and the Wellington social scene would never be quite the same again. Hall confirmed Smith had a certain special quality to his personality that he wouldn't put his finger on. "You can't imagine Charlie ever having a quiet night out" said Hall "and by his own admission he is a magnet, but what for we're still trying to identify".

In other news, Smith was already having an impact on his new country after Australia got hammered by ten wickets in the cricket. "Wherever Charlie goes, national lack of success seems to follow" said Hall "so I can't see Oz winning anything for years now".

Smith Says Drinks Are On Him

Charlie Smith generously agreed to pay for all drinks for his farewell this evening as that's the sort of guy he is. Smith is off to live in the Western Desert of Australia and will have little to spend his money on there once he has invested in a camel. "I thought what the hell" said Smith "you only live once and the boys will be thristy". Smith said that with the cricket on Friday and the rugby on Saturday, it should be a huge night out on the town and he fully expected to get into mischief. "What can I say " said Smith "trouble is my middle name". Events kick off at the Brewery Bar around 4 and are anticipated to be going on well into the night. "I imagine I'll be dancing the night away in Molly's by about 5.15 pm" said Smith "and when other people turn up to dance with me about ten it could really go off".

Wellington Wanderers

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today that with a possible Wellington based team in the Hyundai A-league, Rovers would be looking to leverage off opportunites for commercial enhancement of the Land Rovers brand. "We're in talks with a number of people including George "give me the money" Nash and this may result in a new sponsorship deal and a rebranding of our main product lines to reflect new delivery channels."We'd be prepared to look at changing the name of the club to Rangers and move into blue shirts if some serious cash was put forward" said Hall. Hall said a name change to Wellington Wanderers was always possible for the Knights although Wellington Wind would probably get the wind up opponents. "We think that Team Wellington, the A League franchise and Land Rovers should join forces for the good of the game" said Hall "which only leaves the other two clubs to see the benefits and we're there".

Rovers Future To Be Reviewed

Land Rovers have announced a review this morning in light of the fact that the club needs to access what management structure will best fulfil the vision of being the best club in Wellington by 2030. "We have always said we'd like to avoid a restructure" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) "but with our Chairman Deano moving to Oz and me having moved on to a new day job, now is a good time to review whether Rovers should continue and if so under what structure". Hall said he'd asked the marketing arm to come up with a slogan for the review and after many hours down at a local bar, they'd come up with 'great to brilliant' as the branding name. "I'm not much for these labels myself and we had to rein ourselves in from calling it Valentine's Day Massacre" said Hall "but you can be sure we'll be consulting people on this review before we implement the decision we made last week". Hall said boxes of continental chocolates might influence decision making but sending flowers would be a complete waste of time.

Smith Reacts To Goalkeeper Quips

Charlie Smith today reacted to comments yesterday from Rovers Manager Steve Hall that he would not be featuring in the finals line up as goalkeeper. "It's not my fault that Ten Left Feet scored ten goals against us two weeks ago" said Smith "there was no one tackling in front of me, the ref was against me and they got at least nine flukey goals". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he needed to make a tough call in the semi-final and dropped Smith as keeper. "I thought Charlie (pictured) wasn't at his best in that game after his trip to England" said Hall "I thought he was lacking a bit of fitness and flexibility". Hall said yelling and screaming at the other players was an important part of playing in goal and he expected to have the defenders cover the opposition in the final. "We're going to have to tackle hard in the final" said Hall "but if we can play like we did in the first match against them then we'll be in with a chance".

Finals Line Under Wraps

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was keeping his finals line close to his chest this evening as he contemplated the selection puzzle that Ten Left Feet would provide for the Grand Final. The game will be played in the Shed of Dreams at 1 pm on Wednesday 21 February 2007 with what is expected to be a capacity crowd. "I'd like to take this opportunity to thanks the major sponsor Tony's IT Service, as well as our other sponsor the social club as they are a vital part of the success of this club". Hall said he would ponder his selections and wasn't ruling anyone out at this point although a strong line up would be needed. "I don't want to give too much away but I think you can probably guess that Charlie won't be in goal". Hall said he would be having a few sleepless nights over selections as he knew all the squad were keen to get on the park, but winning the trophy was his main aim. "I think all the boys would like to see another trophy in the cabinet" said Hall "and all players will have contributed to that over the season if we pull it off".

Smith Ecstatic

Land Rovers utility Charlie Smith was this morning ecstatic that the Poms had beaten the Aussies to win the tri-nations cricket. "I was worried about moving to Perth when all England were known for was losing" said Smith "but the boys have pulled one out of the fire and now I can go over to Perth and wind people up for the rest of the year". Smith said the icing on the cake would be England winning both the cricket and rugby world cups. "I've long since given up on England winning the real World Cup" said Smith "but victory in the cricket and rugby will be a reasonable substitute". Smith said he planned to celebrate the cricket today loudly with family and friends.

Adelaide Inspire

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said this evening he hoped the Rovers players were inspired by the performance of Adelaide United in this evenings preliminary final of the Hyundai A-League. "That was a gutsy performance and Adelaide looked like they were out on their feet in extra time" said Hall "but they took out the penalty shoot out and the post match celebration was right up there with world class kissing and hugging". Hall said the last minute loss to Melbourne last week must have gutted Adelaide but the had the fortitude to come back and get into the Grand Final. "I see parallels with our loss to Ten Left Feet" said Hall "and we have to have the guts to come back and take them out in the final" Hall said he'd be watching the game next week to see what lessons could be drawn in playing under grand final pressure. "I'd have to say the Aussie Cricket team lost their bottle" said Hall "so not all Aussie teams have the ability to go on and be winners".

White Out

With the final Grand Final line up yet to be named, the availability of star defender come goal scorer Ben White is in doubt. "Apparently Ben is going up north for a while" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "he's decided that Whangarei might be a good spot to spend a few days". Hall said obviously White would be missed but negotiations were still underway to ensure that White starts in the final line up. "The lad is keen to play as you might guess" said Hall "we're huge underdogs for this one and we need all hands on deck if we're going to have any chance at all". Hall said he'd been reflecting on what went wrong in the last match and thought the fact that he wasn't playing had contributed to the defeat. "They don't call me The Cat for nothing" said Hall "I pay a small retainer for the privilege"

Smith Farewell All On

Negotiations between Mrs Smith and shady agent George "I don't get out of bed for less than $500 an hour" Nash were successful today in restoring the farewell function of Charlie Smith. "I got Charlie thinking about beer" said Nash today from his hideaway mansion "and about thirty seconds later he was telling everyone to meet him at the Brewery Bar at 4 pm on the 16th for a few quiet ales". Nash said he'd have Smith tucked up in bed by no later than noon the following day and said Mrs Smith should not worry about the evening. "The worst Charlie ever gets up to is dancing on tables with blokes" said Nash "so he's not likely to get into too much trouble". Nash welcomed all supporters to come along and join in at the event. "The more the merrier" said Nash "and I've dropped my hosting rate to $400 an hour especially for the evening".

Smith Farewell Cancelled

The farewell for Charlie Smith was called off today after Smith revealed he had a double booking with "The Mrs". Farewell organiser and Land Rovers wannabe George "Sign The Contract Here" Nash said he was astounded that Smith had built up the event for six months only to want to spend the night with his wife. "What sort of an excuse is that" said Nash "he has the rest of his life to spend with his Mrs and all we were asking was to have a few quiets over ten or eleven hours". Smith said it was a tough call to make going out with the lads or spending a night in with the old lady. "I didn't take this decision lightly" said Smith "I weighed up having a few pints and put that against watching the tele at home, and the tele won".

Rovers Charge Into Final

Land Rovers charged through their semi-final this afternoon against Brookers at the Shed of Dreams after a stuttering start. Rovers got off to the worst possible start when underdog Brookers had the temerity to open the scoring. "I was playing in goal and they scored by shooting off the side wall and into the far side of the net" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "I know you'd be wondering why I didn't pick it up but it was actually very well done". Rovers started to get back into it but it was a good tussle early on and was 2 - 2 about half way through the half. "It looked like they were really up for a fight" said Hall "but from them on they collapsed and resorted to long range pot shots which frankly didn't challenge me a lot in goal". The second half was one way traffic as Ben White started making his forward runs and slotting the ball into the opposition net. "We can't get carried away with that as Ten Left Feet are several degrees better and trounced Post It in the other semi" said Hall "we'll need to lift it several times to be in with a chance in the final and we're definitely underdogs".

Final Score: Rovers 13 Brookers 2

Mystery Matt Set To Dismantle Brookers

The return of Mystery Matt to the Rovers semi-final line up should provide some much needed punch. "I'm working first and foremost on defending and I'll be back to marshal the defence from goalkeeper" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "we can't defend in a nightmare fashion again and I think I yell better when I'm in goal". Mystery Matt would be utilised to provide extra goal scoring capability. "I'm not going to try and curb Ben White going forward" said Hall "but he'll certainly know I expect him top come back and cover after I yell and scream a bit". Brookers have only managed three wins all season and two of those were against Provoke Evolution. "On paper they shouldn't trouble us" said Hall "but unfortunately the game isn't player on paper".

Business As Usual

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall (pictured) said it had been business as usual for Rovers training and he had done nothing special ahead of Rovers semi-final clash on Wednesday. "Obviously it is a public holiday tomorrow and I'd expect the boys to take themselves for a light jog of five kilometres or so" said Hall "but we want them fired up and ready for the match on Wednesday". Hall said he'd give a bit of a pep talk before the match and expected the defence to tighten up over the last match. "We can't afford another display like that" said Hall "and I've taken the precaution of putting myself in goal as frankly I'm a better keeper than young Charlie". Hall said Smith was looking a little unstable given Pompey lost again in the weekend but it was hoped he'd be along to the game for some verbal encouragement.

Pollock Calls For Full Support

Land Rovers Supporters Club President Liz Pollock (possibly pictured) today called for the Rovers to get the same sort of support that turned up at the sevens on Saturday. "If we got a few thousand people along to Shed 1 all dressed up in costumes then it would certainly get the attention of the boys in the team" said Pollock "we need the supporters to get down to the wharf and make some noise". Pollock said she herself couldn't make the semi-final as she was at an undisclosed overseas location, but she hoped the Rovers fan club would be out in full. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he was focussing on getting the players mentally and physically prepared for the big match. "We've got to lift our performance over that last match" said Hall "and we sure want another crack at Ten Left Feet".

Rovers Behave

No reported arrests of Rovers squad members have yet been advised by the Wellington Police following the two day party known as the Wellington Sevens. "There were some strange sights to be seen on the streets" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but somehow the lads managed to not get arrested although we can't be sure that Charlie will make it home for a few days yet". The New Zealand team lost to Fiji in the semi-final but were themselves beaten by Samoa. "I liked the grit and determination of that Samoan Team" said Hall "I think Rovers can learn something from that" said Hall "as well as maintaining our usual flair on the ball". Hall said the sevens showed even favoured teams could miss out on a semi-final and Rovers didn't want to follow suit.

Hall Concerned

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he was concerned for his players this weekend as the sevens tournament hit town. "The sevens has a bit of a reputation and I fear some of the players might not sober up in time for our semi-final on Wednesday" said Hall "there are only three days to get the blood alcohol levels down". Hall said there was a risk it would all go down the drain and become a "Good to Grate" situation. "I know of an organisation that lost a few people recently and is now struggling a bit to pick things back up" said Hall "we don't want the Rovers to drop our performance because of over-doing it in the weekend". Hall said at this stage he Charlie Smith wouldn't be playing in the crucial semi-final match. "I figure he won't have got home from the pub by Wednesday" said Hall "but he might get as far as the Shed of Dreams to watch".

Forgettable Experience

Charlie Smith said today that anyone who claims that they remember his farewell function won't have been there. Smith (pictured) only recently back from a frolic round European clubs and bars, said his farewell organiser George "Wannabe" Nash has promised him a good Scottish style farewell which is expected to involve excessive drinking and dancing. "I'm trying to get Chris 'Scummer' Riddle down for the night and of course by then the Rovers will have a championship to celebrate" said Smith. George Nash was unavailable for comment but is thought to have drawn up an itinerary that will ensure Charlie sees as many bars as possible in his send off evening. "I imagine I'll be prominent again on the dance floor at Molly's" said Smith "I've been a big hit there before after I've had a few". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Smith would be looked after to make sure he didn't do any table top dancing again. "The lad can get a bit carried away and we need to keep him away from impressionable young women" said Hall.

Hussey Doubtful

A cloud hung over Eddie Hussey this afternoon which was quite unusual as it was a rare sunny day in Wellington. Hussey may not be available for the vital semi-final clash against Brookers, which was a concern to Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall. "Eddie covers a lot of ground in a match and is a very good defender" said Hall "our best defensive line up seems to be Ben paired with Eddie, and either myself or Andy in goal". The indoor game is built on defence and we'll need to get that sorted for the next two games as we can't afford to give ten goals away again and expect to win". Hall said the availabilty of Mystery Matt would provide some much needed additional firepower up front and he was predicting a Rovers semi-final win by at least ten goals. "Brookers are a powder puff team but you never know what might happen in a sudden death scenario so we'll have to be up for it".

Pollock Says Toughen Up

Land Rovers Supporters President Liz Pollock said today that Rovers needed to stop playing like big girls if they were to take out the coveted Division 7 title. "I hope that 10 - 1 thrashing was a wake up call to the team" said Pollock "and I might have to get Jason in to teach them the finer points of Ice Hockey tactics, as frankly they've lost their spine since Chris Riddle moved on". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he thought Rovers could reverse the 10 - 1 thrashing in the final, but the team needed to take one game at a time and beat Brookers in the semi-final first. "We'd like another crack at Ten Left Feet and I'm sure we won't be lacking motivation for the final". said Hall.

Munted

Land Rovers slumped to their heaviest league defeat today when taken to the cleaners by an energetic Ten Left Feet. "I blame myself" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "as I stood myself down from selection for the day and the boys turned in a below par effort". Hall said the defensive side of the Rovers game fell apart and at time the opposition were walking through and taking pot shots. "The discipline wasn't there and I think we had too many easy games and failed to lift our game for the big match" said Hall "and Charlie (pictured) was a bit soft in goal". Fortunately the game was meaningless as far as qualification went and Land Rovers actually got the easier semi-final draw as a result. "We've drawn Brookers at 12.30 on 7 February at the Shed of Dreams" said Hall "and I'm expecting we'll be getting another crack at Ten Left Feet in two weeks".

Final Score: Rovers 1 Ten Left Feet 10

Smith's Dream Sunk By Rooney

As earlier predicted by Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall, Pompey are now out of the FA Cup after Manyoo gave them a lesson in football. "Charlie has been busy lately getting e mail from Chris Riddle's brother explaining why Pompey aren't up to much" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "so he'll be disappointed that Manyoo have proved the point. Smith said he made a few observations about Southampton FC and has since been receiving a constant stream of e mail pointing out why Pompey aren't up to much. "There is a bit of a rivalry between the clubs" said Hall "but the way it's going Charlie had better not go near Southampton again".

Switch To Ice Hockey Unlikely

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said this evening that rumours circulating that Land Rovers were about to enter an Ice Hockey competition were nonsense. "I know Liz Pollock our supporters club president would quite enjoy watching a few rumbles on the rink" said Hall "but frankly the task of getting the ice in and out of the Shed of Dreams each week would be a nightmare". Hall said there were then the practical difficulties that no one owned skates. "I can see this would be a sport that Charlie could well make a name for himself in" said Hall "he certainly has the build for it". Hall said this sort of rumour usually went around as the regular season came to an end and the press had nothing to do but have too many drinks down at Dockside.

Hall To Stand Down

Rumours circulated today that Land Rovers Manager would stand down from the top of the table clash with Ten Left Feet on Monday. Hall who starts a new day job that day may not be able to play in the fixture. Ten Left Feet are just three points behind Land Rovers and therefore who qualifies top of the division may will depend on the outcome of this match.

Rovers are rumoured to be talking to a prominent player about signing for Rovers. "Yes we are in discussions with a big name player" said Hall "but he is likely not going to be available until next season so isn't likely to be on board in time for the finals series". Hall said it would be nice to beat Ten Left Feet but the final series now had to be the focus.

White Ponders Tactics

Land Rovers Defender come goalscorer Ben White turned his thoughts to football tactics today when he circulated a tactical guide to indoor football tactics to fellow squad members. "I think he's getting bored scoring goals and wants to move into a tactical leadership role" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but we need the lad focusing on his knitting over the next two weeks if we're going to defend the championship". Rovers head into a tough match against second placed Ten Left Feet on Monday, who are likely to be the opposition in the final if both teams get through. "It's the business end of the season and I'd like to see Ben focusing on his game" said Hall "he'll get a square head thinking about tactics". Hall said Monday's game would settle the minor premiership and Rovers needed only a draw to head into the finals as top seed.

Provoking Evolution?

Ben White today had another blinder against Provoke Evolution at the Shed of Dreams this morning. With a humid 22 degrees outside, the temperatures inside the cauldron must have soared to at least 24. Rovers welcomed back Charlie Smith into the Rovers line up from the frozen wastelands of Portsmouth. Provoke Evolution cunningly turned up late and for a while it looked like a default, but once the game got underway it was clear they had decided that getting physical was the way to blunt the Rovers game. "They reminded me a lot of how we used to play when Chris Riddle was around" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "they finally wracked up five fouls and we got a penalty, and it was nice to see it happening to another team and not us". Hall was cautioned for retaliation himself showing that Rovers hadn't completely lost the reputation for putting it about. "I thought we were pretty average today but that was a result of the way the opposition tried to provoke us" said Hall "but Ben certainly was on his attacking game although I think we missed Eddie at the back". Hall said it Rovers would need to go up a cog or two to beat Ten Left Feet but he couldn't complain about thirteen goals being scored.

Final Score: Rovers 13 Provoke Evolution 2

Smith Retires

Charlie Smith retired from all football yesterday for five minutes before being drafted back into the Rovers squad for the match tomorrow against Provoke Evolution. "I thought I'd flag it away as I'm moving to Perth anyway" said Smith "but with injuries and unavailability I was immediately called out of retirement for the match tomorrow". Smith will return as goalkeeper initially, a position that tends to get his blood pressure up. "The lad usually has a bit to say for himself when he plays in goal" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but with several players unavailable for this match we needed his services so he's straight back in after his English sojourn". Mystery Matt will also make his season debut after starring in the final series last season. "We need a bit of punch up front" said Hall "I've been strangely off my normal goal scoring form since I became grossly unfit around October".

Smith Dreams Of Trophy

Charlie Smith returned to New Zealand dreaming of winning one more trophy before he headed off to live in Perth. "I've seen some of the biggest trophies in the game on my travels" said Smith "and I want to win the championship one more time before my Rovers time is up". Smith said he was back to challenge for a place in the Rovers line up and disregarded suggestions from the manager that he wouldn't make the squad again. "He's playing head games with me to get me motivated" said Smith "but frankly after seeing all that silverware I'm raring to go". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall was unavailable for comment on whether Smith was in the line up for Wednesday.

Hall Empathises With Mourinho

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today he could understand the frustration of Jose Mourinho having no money to spend during the January transfer window. Chelsea lost 2 - 0 to Liverpool and Mourinho indicated that he needed at least two more players as replacements for his injured squad. "I've been trying to get money out of the Rovers Management team to buy some quality players" said Hall "but I'll have to push on with the ones we have as Dean has said he hasn't got any money for players this year". Hall said the fact that Mourinho and Chelsea were not able to spend up at large in January was a worry for Chelsea fans, but Hall admitted those like himself with Man U leanings weren't quite as concerned. "Maybe Jose will actually have to start managing now" said Hall "he can't actually buy anyone he likes anymore". Hall said he hoped he could flog off Charlie Smith for a few quid to a Perth club to free up funds.

Pompey Bogged Down

With Charlie Smith out of the country and on his way back to sunny Wellington, Portsmouth FC have got "bogged down" in a toilet seat theft by one of their players Glen Johnson. The toilet seat was being nicked from B&Q in Dartford in Kent when incredulous staff stepped in. "We all recognised Johnson but no one could quite believe a bloke like him, with all that money, would be moronic enough to nick a toilet seat" said the worker who did not wish to be identified. "This is pretty much on par for Pompey" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "they try to pretend they are a class outfit but they are time and time again dragged back to the sewer". Charlie Smith was unavailable for comment but was understood to have thought the story was a load of crap but Johnson said the incident occurred because he wasn't flush with money.

Smith Selection Puzzler

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confirmed this evening that he was undecided on whether Charlie Smith would play for Rovers again. Smith about to return from the UK has been absent during a period of considerable on field success for Rovers with six straight wins. "I'm not saying the lad is disruptive" said Hall "but we look a far more disciplined unit when he isn't in the country". Smith who returns to New Zealand for only a short time before making a permanent move to Perth was hopeful he'd get some game time before he left. "I'm sure the gaffer will give me a run" said Smith "after all I'm a team founder". Hall said there was little doubt that Smith was useful for marketing purposes and retaining him might sell shirts. "I heard rumours LA Galaxy are interested in talking to Charlie" said Hall "which no doubt explains his three days in California on the way home".

Hall Gives Up Full Time Football Management

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall confessed this afternoon that after winning six games on the trot, he'd decided to take a day job to keep himself off the streets. "I know we've had a 100% record since I became a full time football manager" reported Hall "but there is only so much one can take of sitting on the beach dreaming up football tactics". Hall said he thought he'd bring a fresher approach if he took up day time employment again, and he did quite enjoy working in IT. "Football management is a great occupation but unfortunately we haven't yet got a rich Russian backer to keep me in the manner to which I want to become accustomed". Hall said he'd start a day time job again on the 29th and it was too early to say if this would impact his availability for Rovers.

Up Creek With A Paddle

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said this morning that the trick to football management was never finding yourself up the creek without a paddle. Hall said he had no idea what he meant by that other than it sounded like the sort of management twaddle that he was expected to pour out as a manager to ensure the team believed he had a greater vision for the team than they were aware of. "Frankly the plan is to win every game and therefore long term planning isn't required" said Hall "but yes there is a strategy to it but I'm not telling the media about it as we'd be broadcasting it to the opposition". Hall confirmed that next weeks opponents Provoke Evolution might well be up a creek somewhere without a paddle after seven straight losses. "It might pay however for the Rovers to remember though that we had to come from behind to beat them by a single goal last time" said Hall.

Hall Manages Rovers From The Beach

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall relaxed today at Scorching Bay on Wellington harbour after the 13 - 0 win yesterday against Brookers. Hall said the way the league stood at present there was a very good chance that Brookers would be the Rovers semi-final opponent. "Brookers are currently fourth and if Ten Left Feet won their match today, then Brookers can't be headed in fourth place" said Hall "which means if we can win our last two games we'll be facing Brookers in the semi-final". Hall said two of the teams that would probably have made the semi-final Post-It and Intergen failed to pay their fees on time and therefore failed to pick up the ten bonus points for doing so. "These two teams play each other in the final round and therefore the loser will be out of the semi-final". said Hall. Hall said being a full time football manager was paying dividends as not only were Rovers going well but he thought sitting on the beach sure beat sitting in an office. "I'm adjusting quite well to the lifestyle" said Hall.

Unlucky For Brookers

A refreshed Land Rovers team recovered from the long holiday lay off with a comprehensive thrashing of Brookers today 13 - 0. "I think what was satisfying abut that win was we weren't at our best and yet we knocked in thirteen goals whilst keeping a clean sheet" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall. Brookers never looked competitive even before the game but there was always a danger Rovers wouldn't fire in the humid conditions. "Any fears we had were allayed early on when we scored two or three in the opening minutes" said Hall "and Eddie and Ben mopped up any incursions into our half". As the game wore on Brookers dropped deeper and deeper into their own half to try and contain the Rovers attack. "They dropped back and had two players marking me most of the time" said Hall "but this left huge gaps in behind for Ben (pictured) to take pot shots at their goal". Hall said it was like a rifle range in the last three or four minutes and the last goal was a stunner as White knocked one in from half way. "A good opener for Rovers" said Hall "and Ben White must have got some new shooting boots for Christmas".

Final Score: Rovers 13 Brookers 0

Holiday Over for Rovers

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said today that the holiday was over for the Rovers squad as they faced Brookers tomorrow in the Shed of Dreams. "It will no doubt be hot and muggy and difficult to gasp the air" said Hall "and then we'll kick off and it will get worse". Hall said he himself had put himself through an intensive programme of video game playing since Christmas after he purchased Fifa 2007. "This game has a an upgraded management feature and I'm currently building a Rovers squad that will go on to win the Premiership" said Hall "but I reckon the principles are the same so in real life we'd have to be a chance for the Division 7 championship". Hall said Brookers wasn't the best performed team in the league but no one can be underestimated. "We're building to a good unit but we didn't play very well back in the grading games and we don't want to slip back to that standard". The game kicks off at 1 pm in the Shed of Dreams.

Smith Says He'll Lick Beckham's Boots.

Charlie Smith today confirmed this afternoon that he was available to lick Beckham's boots. providing they belonged to Victoria Beckham. "Obviously we'd have to sort out the details with regarding payment" said Smith "but I think if she'll accept a thousand quid a week I might be able to get my money back by providing photographic evidence to The Sun". Smith said licking boots wasn't all that bad and he'd had a bit of practice at home as a way of escaping the doghouse.

Victoria Beckham meanwhile is reportedly set to star in Tom Cruise's new Scientology film. The Spice Girl has apparently been lined up to play an alien bride in The Thetan - based on the science fiction fantasy world of Ron Hubbard. "I had a feeling I might be able to play the Thetan" said Smith "as I'm sure the fringe benefits must be worth it".

Spot The Statue Competition

Land Rovers marketing manager Heather Fernandes today launched a new concept in Internet competitions. "We've seen spot the ball before and it has become a little old hat" said Fernandes "so I'm launching a spot the statue competition". Fernandes said that somewhere in the photo (right) is a statue and anyone who can successfully pick the statue will get a free pint from Charlie Smith on his return from England, providing they can spot him with his hand on his wallet at the Occidental. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said he'd heard Smith had transferred to LA Galaxy to work as David Beckham's boot cleaner. "Apparently as Beckham is on a million dollars a week, he can now afford to have Charlie lick his boots" said Hall.

Hall Offers Halstead Strikers Role

With Team Wellington expecting an exodus of players following the continuation of their poor form. Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall is poised to make a bid for Team Wellington striker Peter Halstead. "We missed out on Andy Barron when he went back to play for Canterbury" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "so we don't want to miss out on a chance of signing Halstead". Hall said an offer in the vicinity of five pints per match was possible if Halstead wanted to make the move to Rovers. "He can't be having much fun playing for Mick Waite who keeps subbing him for reasons unknown to the local fans" said Hall "and let's face it, Team Wellington don't have much chance of winning anything under the current regime". Hall said Rovers were well on track to retain their title although the return of Smith later in January could unsettle the side. "Six weeks in Pommyland will no doubt go to his head" said Hall "he'll be thinking he knows something about football again".

Trophy Hunting

Recovering today from the disappointment of the FA Cup draw, Charlie Smith scooted off to Anfield to see the sort of trophy cabinet that Pompey could only dream about. "I had a taste of winning a championship with Rovers" said Smith "so I know what winning is all about, but Rovers will have to collect a few more yet to match this". Smith stated he was confident that Pompey could overcome the the FA Cup draw and go on to win the trophy. He also said that Pompey would march on to a top four position in the Premiership and qualify for Europe next season.

Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said it was all very well Smith frollicking around football grounds in Britain, but he had to plan for Rovers next fixture on Monday. "We're focussed on putting another trophy in our cabinet, or should I say on our shelf". Rovers play an improving Brookers side who recently beat Post IT to register their second win. The match will kick off at 1 pm at the Shed Of Dreams.

Pompey Exit FA Cup

Pompey exited the FA Cup today when they were drawn against Manchester United away at the Theatre of Dreams. "I felt a bit sorry for Charlie when the draw came out, knowing they were on a hiding to nothing" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "but unfortunately for Pompey, someone had to come up against Man U who will no doubt go on to win it this year". Hall said it was unfortunate that Wellington Indoor Sports didn't run a knockout competition so that Land Rovers could go for the double. "I'm not devaluing us winning the Championship" said Hall "but winning the double would be something else". Charlie Smith was in rehabilitation and unavailable for comment.

Smith Rehabilitating

Charlie Smith admitted today that checking in to the Guinness Rehabilitation Centre had been the best move he'd made in years. "I figured I was drinking a bit much and I should cut back to about twenty pints a day" said Smith "and the great news is if you stay on Guinness then twenty pints is about right". Smith said he'd probably be considered a teetotaler in Perth if he only drank twenty pints a day but it was something he could live with for the good of his health. "It's good to see the lad cutting back" said Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall "it will cut down the costs at his farewell".

Smith Can't Knock Off The Guinness

Charlie Smith was reportedly found it very difficult to leave the Guinness alone and had considered abandoning his move to Western Australia to move in permanently at the brewery. "I know they have beer in Oz of a sort" said Smith "but it ain't the real thing is it?". Smith spoke as he recovered from the 5 - 0 thrashing of the English cricket team by Australia. "A few ales help you forget the cricket" said Smith "and hopefully by the time I move to Perth they will have stopped gloating". Land Rovers Manager Steve Hall said Smith was wishful thinking if he thought the Aussies would ever forget the 5 - 0 win. "They'll still be talking to Charlie about this when he is a very old man" suggested Hall.