Slick Ultra has retired from international football after sustaining a sore finger in a pre-season match. In a statement made to international media at the team club rooms (Occidental Tavern) on Friday night Slick explained that he had never been quite the same after been run over by Hika Reid in a rugby match several years ago. “Hika punctured my lungs when he trampled all over me like a Railroad Train” exhorted Ultra.
Team boss Steve Hall asked Ultra if he had managed to get Hika Reid’s autograph but Ultra had been too dazed to request it after being carted off in a stretcher and placed on life support for three years. Ultra made one rather undistinguished appearance for the Rovers in goal and complained about gangrene for days afterwards due to the involuntarily saving a goal from an opposition striker. Ultra plans to paint his new house and look for opportunities to return to his former occupation as Rock Star. “We’ll miss the lad” said Hall “but I know he has his heart set on replacing Ronnie Wood in the Stones, so I’m not one to stand in his way”.
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I'll be in Wellington in a few weeks to perform at the stadium. If Slick wants to take my place for the night, I wouldn't mind a game for the Rovers
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